Junk Nostalgia

While some people embrace nostalgia the way they would their favourite pooch, others give it a wide berth as though it's poison ivy. The pro-nostalgia brigade which quickly calculates that this year is the twentieth anniversary of the day you saw your first Disney Cartoon or the tenth anniversary of the day you got your first ever accoustic guitar or blah blah blah...whatever. Those wallowing in this outburst of nostalgia insist on celebrating it with a rerun of the same. Luckily for all concerned, this feeling does not last too long, at best a week or two. Unluckily when it does go on to its logical conclusion, everyone is left wondering what on earth made them do it in the first place. My school classmates are the classic examples of this syndrome. Some of them have unearthed photographs from those days when all of us were thinner, (doesn't hold true for me :]) meaner, and ready to be unleashed on an unsuspecting world. As we see these ghosts from the past more nostalgia has come bubbling forth and there are now plans for a reunion to mark whatever anniversary since this motley batch of people passed out of school.

As the venue is being debated with some enthusiasm, we seem to forget that our colleges are have scattered us all over the globe. I am here in chennai(sick place), vishal KGP, kaju singapore, singhi michigan. The only reunion possible is virtual. That's the practical solution. But impractical as we sometimes are, we are revelling in this false camaraderie, brought about by the changing of the calendar. School reunions in particular be rather stressful exercises, what with everyone trying to confirm to images of the past even as they struggle to cope up with the present. For those celebrating nostalgia, there are enough and more reminders that you ought to catch up with your friends. Card companies thrive on soppy sentiment that past was beautiful and you must tap into it every now and then to spice up the present. Don't you get it? Most often, people do it out of a sense of misplaced duty, or the result of being high on celebratory spirit? What's worse, they'll ignore each other studiously for the rest of the year. Nostalgia deserves to be mothballed and left where it ought to be---in the past!

I know I have said real cruel things, but that is the way I have been forced to think recently. All this is because of unecessary and sudden encroachment a friend of mine into my life. The others that I have been in touch with are coming up with the same plan which is shitty! I do love my school...infact I collected a few pics of the school after the chat and also got some of our pics as boarding cuppers with real short standing hair and skinny and what not. I was nostalgic for sometime but then this guy crossed the bounds and overdid it which obviously spoils it. Bah, lets pack and go on...but before ending, I would love to share the photos I unearthed and that says something about my photography skills also :P.

Peace on earth and mercy mild

This is the back side of SXC or St.Xaviers Collegiate School...Beautiful isnt it?

One of my favourites!

Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers!

In Heaven there is no beer
(No beer?!)
That's why we drink it here
And when we're all gone from here
Our friends will be drinking all the beer.

In Heaven there is no wine
(No wine?!)
So we drink till we feel fine
And when we leave this all behind
Our friends will be drinking all the wine.

In Heaven there is no fear
(No fear)
So we worry too much here
And we drink ourselves full of beer
To help us when we deal with the fear.

In Heaven there are no drugs
That's why we hang with thugs
And when the Lord pulls the plug
All the thugs will still be selling drugs, yeah.

Thugs and drugs
Beer...

In Heaven there is no sex
(Oh no!)
So let's do that next
And when our muscles no longer flex
Someone else will be having sex.

In Heaven there are no wars
Or cars, or movie stars
And when we no longer are
The world will probably still be having wars.

What the heck! Yeah!
Sex and war,
Bars and cars.
Drugs, thugs,And delicious food.

Joe forgot to wish Varun. He was sad, but what his friends did for him was way beyond his expectation. He thanked Preanka, Aakash, Anand, Mithun and Gautam profusely!

Beer Drinker and Hell Raiser no wonder hehehehe..

Memorable Gift

I have a gift. I don’t know what, but like everyone even I have a gift. I am gifted with farting skills and hence joblessness has urged me on to write some worthless piece of crap yet again. Anyways, recently I have been very absorbed with work and studies and other things. Yet again I find time to do things that are irrelevant and of no importance at all to what I am supposed to do as a student here. But I finally decided to leave all my options open regarding the future. Finally thought about it because I don’t want to mess up with my parents’ lives. Reminds me of the fact that I have not spent enough time with them and when I met mom last December I realized how much I miss them. I was clinged to her and did not move an inch away from her. Call me a baby call me a mama’s pet or whatever I don’t care a shit. But is that all she wants from me. No, is the answer and she will obviously not make it apparent and these are the things you have to understand. All she wants is your happiness no matter what happens. No no no no no not again, I cant keep writing about my parents everytime. It has nothing to do with my versatility in writing about things but it’s the guilt that takes me over. Makes me think, what have I done for my parents till now? Staying away from them virtually throughout my life is a lame excuse to prove a point. This provided the necessary impetus for me to think about my career for a change, thanks to

you

. I came to learn a lot on how to move on with things and hence making decisions regarding them. I might write like as if I can do anything I want but I came to understand that I am the weakest force against myself. Irresponsibility and lethargy are the roots of these problems. I must say something about that. I just finished with my exams and just before A slot on a fine Saturday morning, I landed in Bangalore just for a competition. Heights! I don’t regret the fact because I had fun and I did not pay a huge price for this act hehe. But while coming back I was thinking of all this and I had a smile on my face and things that everyone has told me about my acts of “responsibility” if that’s how one may call it to be. But now I wont sell myself short and do whatever I want to and what I’d love to pursue as a career (Thank You again). Isn’t this what me parents what. This is exactly what they want me to do and I will do it

And it feels right this time
On this crash course we're the big time
Pay no mind to the distant thunder
Beauty fills his head with wonder, boy

Says it feels right this time
Turned it 'round and found the high light
“Good day to be alive, sir
Good day to be alive,” he said

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
is just the freight train coming your way
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
is just the freight train coming your way

So let the freight train only provide the soothing light and not scare you to death with the whole of your life in front of you and the take care of your loved ones and celebrate after a couple of days ;).

Meg was telling Varun the story of her bracelet she got as a birthday present…
It was an ornate gold bracelet made in Behrampur, Bengal, in the early 20th century. A gift from my grandma, it was a treasured family heirloom. “Keep it carefully”, she had told me on my 17th birthday. “Wear it as a bride and later, too. It will always be with you as a reminder of your Dida”. I had done as she had said, wearing it at all special occasions. And people would never fail to notice it. The bracelet connected me somehow to the ancestral home I had heard so much about but never been able to visit. On a trip back from Berkeley, California, I lost it. Was it on the plane? At the airport? Or somewhere in between? It had been a rainy night. I was sleepy when I got off at Kennedy airport at 2 a.m. and boarded the late-night bus. I remembered I had put the bracelet in a small shopping bag for ‘safekeeping’. It was the shopping bag I’d dropped off somewhere. After several calls, I found the number of Carlos. “Yes, I look after the main ‘lost and found’ at JFK airport”, he said, “but we haven’t come across a shopping bag. If I hear something, I’ll call”.
One day, Carlos called. My heart skipped a beat when he said the shopping bag had been found on the late-night bus. But there was nothing in it. My last hope of retrieving the bracelet was gone. My thoughts went back to my grandma as a very young bride, wearing the bangle, and entering for the first time the house in Behrampur. The only thing I had as a keepsake from those times was gone. I was walking around the house listlessly when the phone rang. To my amazement, I heard Carlos say, “The late-night bus driver got off duty and noticed something in the seat just behind his own. It fell out of the bag. You can call postal service to have it picked up”. I called the postal service, and the next day their truck came to my door with a package containing my bracelet. It was while signing the delivery slip that I noticed the date. It was my Dida’s anniversary.

After the story ended Varun sheepishly asked his mom whether he would get anything for his 21st birthday, which is just a couple of days away. To this meg said my grandma gave it to me and so I will give it to your daughter now get lost. Joe entered and gave him what he exactly wanted…

Thanks so much to both of you! Just need your blessings

Vulnerability myself and Valentine's Day

I was thinking about what makes people strong in the face of adversity. For those who claim to know my characteristics, I am sure that you find it amazing that I have the faculty to think. However, there are times when I actually think. One thought leads to another as they always do and finally began the concept of vulnerability. What does the word mean and what is its significance? Why do people fear the word and they take great pains to ensure that they not vulnerable? What is it that is so special about this small word?
Personally, before I begin, I would like to say that there have been times that I have been so vulnerable that it pained. Therefore, I guess that gives me the authority to comment on the topic.
However, being the weakling that I take pride in being, I shall not deal with the physical sense. That is for those people who take karate lessons and go workout in the gym daily. It’s a different thing altogether and let us not talk about that. I shall talk about what it is to be vulnerable emotionally. I do not want to go into what makes one vulnerable and why they should do if they are so. I want to touch upon the importance of being vulnerable.
In today’s world, more and more people want to be seen as strong people who are always in control and are scared of the word vulnerability and all that it signifies. They believe that the more in control they seem to be, the better they are professionally. Moreover, who gives a damn for the personal life anyway?
However, I have seen that vulnerability has strange effects on people. By people, I mean me. It took me sometime to realize that vulnerability is not a bad thing. When one is vulnerable, open to the world, one can learn many things. They range from the mundane things about others to the most important question of them all. Let me see if I can take you through them. I believe that it is only when you are vulnerable that you realize who your friends are and who the enemies are. At a time when you are down, emotionally, if a person takes advantage of you, then he is not one you should keep close to your heart. A person who knows that you are open, is ready to stand beside you, in my opinion is a good friend.
What is the opposite of being vulnerable? Is it being strong? Well it is not necessary. One can be strong and still make a mess of life. I am not saying that the vulnerable ones make a mess of life. That is the perception that is doing the rounds. Being strong is a case of not being in touch with who you are and what you want. It is like a mask that one wears to show the world that all is well within oneself. I have seen many cases where the people seem strong and they have become a mess inside. They have been hiding from what they should have realized long ago. That brings me to the most important characteristic of vulnerability, its ability to answer the question,” Who am I?” It gives a clear picture of the truth and all that goes with it. All your wants and your needs, everything that you say and do is direct from the depths of your being. There is nothing that wraps anything that you say and do. In a relationship, it is important to share this vulnerability. It shall enhance the relationship. There are times when I hated myself for being so open, but then this is but one life. Live it so that we never regret what happens or rather what does not happen. Be true to yourself and give others a chance to be true to you.
A thought takes me over. What is the greatest crime of them all? Is it stealing the crown jewels, or war secrets from a country? Is it betrayal of someone’s trust or is it not living up to someone’s expectations? Or is it being someone you are not?
What makes people act as if they are someone they are not? What makes them seem one person to the public and totally another to their own self? The worst part is that the people around you want you to be someone you are not. What makes a man unique? Is it what he does? Is it what he speaks or is it what he believes in? A man is unique not because of what he says or does, but because of the fact that he is a man. One must realize that the people they are with are what they are. They can’t change and there is no point in changing.
Coming back to crime. What makes one want to be someone he/she is not? There have been times when I myself have been someone I am not. I think that a person acts in a different manner if there is something to gain when he is different. When a person is not comfortable with what he or she believes in and feels that someone else’s ideas are better than theirs, there shall come a time when they doubt their own abilities. If you want to join someone’s circle and you think that you are not acceptable as you are, then what do you do? The logical option would be to change yourself and act as if you are one of them.
This means that you are killing yourself to gain something that you want. The other option would be to sacrifice what is less important, the circle. In this world there are some things that can be given up. The one thing that can’t be is what you are and what you mean to yourself.

Varun got a huge lecture on having the attitude of winners and not giving up hope on anything by both meg and joe separately. As usual, he got pained with what he heard because he didn’t give a damn to whatever they had to say and again as usual the late realization effects led him to understand what they meant which never forced you to go out of your way to get whatever you want. What they meant was to work hard for everything and just wait for the results. They can never be bad, all they can do is to demoralize you and hence help you come up against all forces and rise to the top yet again. But this is not the hook or crook way…it’s the right path its too tough… all this sounded text bookish when he heard them but the lessons that he learnt made him realize that sometimes text bookish things haunt you like crazy. He didn’t sleep that night and the next day being Valentine’s day, which he hates like anything, he had to get presents for meg and joe who were deeply in love with each other before they got married. Varun still does not understand the concept of love but he very well understood what meg and joe wanted from him. As a gift he bought a couple of diaries…
The one he gave to joe was with this…

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't;
If you'd like to win, but think you can't
It’s almost a cinch you wont.

If you think you'll lose, you have lost;
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will-
It's all in the state of mind,

If you think you are outclassed, you are
You've got to think high to rise.
You've just got to be sure of yourself
Before you can win the prize.

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the one who thinks he can

The one which he gave to meg had this… to prove her that he is not stone cold and understands what love means.

I never thought I'd fall in love with you.
I thought someday, of course, I'd fall in love.
But what it felt like, I just never knew;
I'd no idea what I was thinking of.
And then, somewhere between my need and pleasure,
Walking neither overjoyed nor sad,
I looked into my heart and saw a treasure
Worth more than anything I'd ever had.
Ah! This is love! I thought. And then I wanted
To give my life to see your happiness.
Suddenly, from nowhere, I was haunted,
Needy, joyful, tearful, glad, obsessed.
My love for you has brought me out of me.
The beauty in your heart has set me free.

Ketamine results!

I am! yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am! And live with shadows lost.

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And even the dearest - that I loved the best -
Are strange - nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smiled or wept;
There to abide with my creator, the ODD,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept;
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below - above the vaulted sky.

Joe once said…
“There are days when He plays his tricks on you and all you can do is smile back because life is like a train. It’s barring down on you and guess what, its gonna hit you. So what you can do is either run so that its far off a distance or you can pull up a chair, crack open a beer can and watch it come!

Varun is not sure about the existence of the ‘He’ but now he understands what joe was trying to tell him and rethinks about the last line in the second, but he is sure of the fact that his ‘He’ is joe and ‘Her’ is meg and all he needs is their blessings. Being greedy :P he wants a special bonus after 13 days.

Good morning!

P.S- I phoned my dad to tell him that I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. I could not understand what he actually meant but now I do. Someone rightly said "With stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." If someone has doubts, I am the stupid guy here…