Murder most faux

Ok you fellows. We cops really have to do something about this Jessica Lal case, what with everyone starting from Soniaji downwards getting pissed off with us and going around saying we don’t know how to do our job, despite all that ‘With you, for you – ALWAYS’  funda. So let’s start from scratch. When investigating a crime, what’s the first thing to be established? Yes, you in the last row with your hand up. What’s that? You put your hand up not because you know the answer to the question I asked but because you want to go to the loo? All right, then. Off you go and don’t forget to wash your hands before coming back. Now, since no one seems to know the answer to the question I asked, I’ll answer the question myself. The first thing a cop does when investigating a crime is to establish that a crime has infact been committed to begin with. And in the Jessica Lal case we know for sure that a crime was committed. Namely, that premises not licensed by the relevant authorities to serve alcohol were in fact doing so, in clear contradiction of the Excise Act of 1927, Subsection 3 , Para 2.

       Fine, now that we’ve established that a crime was committed (i.e serving of unlicensed booze) lets get on to the dubious allegation that a firearm was discharged in the said premises. This is a very dubious allegation indeed as no firearm has been recovered, either from the scene of the crime or anywhere else. To compound matters, there is some suspicion that there was not just one but two unrecovered firearms. Which makes matters doubly suspicious. Practically a whole arsenal gone missing. The two-firearm theory also suggests the of possibility of there having been not one but two different shooters, one called Manu and the other called Sharma. Now where does all this two-of-everything line of argument logically lead? Simple. It proves conclusively that everyone present was blotto on unlicensed booze and was seeing double. If further proof were needed that a crime had been committed (the consumption of unauthorized grog) it is supplied by the two-gun, two-shooter hallucination. It’s a wonder no eyewitness swore seeing a tangoing twosome of pink elephants.

      Next we come to the question of witnesses turning hostile. And the question is: Wouldn’t you turn hostile if for sever years you have to keep on repeating the same old routine, all the while nursing a mother of a hangover from all the unlicensed bingeing, courtesy Bina and what’s the young brat’s name? ‘Course we need a witness protection programme. Witnesses need to be protected from all those snoopy investigators, prosecutors, and judges asking them more tricky questions that you get in one of those Board exams that are forever traumatizing kids. It’s not fair. They should form a trade union, witnesses should. Witnesses of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your testimony.

    Yes, all in all, it’s high time we reopened the Jessica Lal case. Poor girl. So tragic. The first case of terminal conjunctivitis in the whole history of medicine, and so young too. AIIMS should carry out a thorough investigation, never mind all this bird flu nonsense. Ah, our friend from the last row has come hotfooting back from the loo. And he’s got his hand raised again? But he’s just been to the loo. Hope he’s not sickening from something.

   What’s that? He’s saying he’s got his hand up this time not because he wants to go to the loo but because he’s just heard that another victim has been discovered at the scene of crime? This one is also a female, of indeterminate age, wearing long robes, a blindfold over her eyes and holding a sword in one hand a pair of weighing scales in the other. Wonder who on earth she could be, and what she died of. Guess we’ll never know…

Rage

They say things about men of honour, men with valour, men of men and all that jazz…why not talk about men of dishonour, men lacking courage, man of no other? Yes, these are the most commonly available species and as humans are, we tend to just look over everything common and start evaluating things, which are rare. Another one of them commonly recognized untruths like lies, damn lies, and statistics. Anyway, this post will be utterly meaningless and will lack any impetus to provoke profound thoughts…which, if by any chance, happens, then I will have nothing left to do but commit suicide. For people who know me, they must me nodding their heads viciously at this remark.
Life is outright boring and outrageously pathetic. Zero communication, zero enthusiasm to do anything, bored of watching movies, no new music, no friends…yeah true only, no friends even when they are around here. Busy smoking pot and gulping opiates in a hurry and then justifying every act of theirs with such conviction, that even a blind man who cannot hear will be drowning himself in pity. Apart from that, they are also busy bitching about each other and me. Now this is the most annoying part. I am not a firm supporter of bitching myself even when I know things…it’s fucking gay!!! But looking at their state now, I can expect anything from them. They can even go around fucking cows, all those morons. However, which person would call him a moron or even agree with the fact that he is one? It just goes along with every madfuck saying “Noooo I am not mad don’t take me to the asylum”. But me sitting here and saying this can hardly change a thing. I say that because my zero involvement in the things that have been happening in the past four of five months have led them to a very bright assumption that says, I am the egoistic punk, the moron with a pint-sized ego. It does not make me feel bad. Instead, I feel happy that they don’t bitch around like gay fucks in front of others and have balls to say that to me who did absolutely nothing but is being generally victimized in order to achieve some means of realizing their madness. Another act of justification as I say..har har har! These are the people I held in high regard, in fact, these were the people. Now whatever they do or whatever they say is equivalent to street dogs barking at their highest pitch. I hold me dog’s bark in higher esteem :P. It only takes a few seconds for them to change their opinion about anything, which, according to them, can be attributed to the fact of getting mood swings because of these drugs. Yeah I get the point, another act of just justification of the stupid acts.
Now comes the funny part. Even when I had nothing to say for these stupid deals of theirs, they had lots. I mean hell lots! In a futile attempt at saving myself from being called a beast with no opinions, I came down with one or two replies to their profound sayings. To which obviously they had no answers, and then the clichéd “you won’t understand” announced it’s arrival. Who the fuck wants to understand? If I wanted to then I would do the shit myself rather than hearing stories from you lot. The music they listen to is not because they like it…it’s because its one of the things that gives them mild pleasure in realizing that they are doing something really cool. I am cent-percent sure that if they were made to listen to the same shit 1 year back, they would abuse it and throw it in the cans after raising a huge hue and cry about it. Irresponsible brats all the same and they show no respect towards their parents. They know it well that their parents back home are bothered about the recent changes in them but, who cares? I am a junkie man! I am feeling so good doing this. The high is fantastic. It’s unimaginable but you won’t understand since you don’t do it. FUCK YOU ALL! I don’t want to do it and I don’t care a shit of what it is and why it is. Think about your moms and dads who have raised you to the plump body of yours only to see you making a mess out of it. Unconditional love has it’s definition in them but all you want is artificial pleasure. I will NOT be surprised if I hear this from you
“…man parents are selfish punks! I don’t know what do they expect from me and why the hell do they do it?”
You bloody asswipes, they expect nothing from you. They only thing they want is you to be happy and if you think that you are happy doing this then it is the biggest fucking delusion of your life. Now I say you will not understand the pleasure of making parents happy, because you are too selfish for such unconditional acts. You will be happier if three stranger punks come across your way and you show them your coolness. This is what I call sheer lack of brains. Yeah you people are right. I am egoistic, but you were wrong when you said that it is pint-sized. It is of the fucking size of the Eiffel Tower you fuckwads.
Now comes your turn. I considered it good luck when I came to know about you. I held you in the highest esteem. Far be it for me to thwart it so soon. However, now it is not the same. I understand you went through shit for doing nothing. You were one of them victims who were uninvolved. We shared such wonderful times and now you think of me as another one of those perverts who run after stupid broads. I am ashamed of myself for two reasons.

1. I do not know how but I gave you the opportunity to think in those lines about me.


2. I could not do a thing about stupid preconceived notions even after being as close as I was to you.

However, since you know that I cannot get angry with you, all I can do is to kick myself as hard as possible. Hope everyone enjoys the scene.
I say goodbye and good luck to all. May the force be with you people. I had a great time with all of you. Thank you all for that. Now its time for me to pack my bags and go back into my shell where I have nothing to think of and more importantly, nobody to think about. I am happy with my parents and my dawg. Don’t think I need more. Nevertheless, god bless.

P.S. – I would love the fact that the people I am referring to here read this and think of me as the biggest scumbag ever born in humankind. It will help matters though a beast as I am considered to be, I have a heart, a kind one…