The second cut is the deepest

I wake up in her bed for the first time in almost ten years. Looking over, I think about how much I had always loved to make love to her in the morning.

I would awaken and lie beside her, listening to her breathe, watching her lithe body rise and fall like an ocean swell. Like a panther for its prey, I would lie in wait until I could no longer stand it and then, only then would I slowly slide my hand under the covers, so painfully slow so as not to wake her, that I sometimes wondered if I would ever reach her. So long, that my hand would warm itself and she would barely feel it, only beginning to lightly stir as it came to rest on my favorite spot--her taut, sensuous stomach that begged to be touched. And so I would, lightly tickling and dragging the tips of my fingers in elaborate hieroglyphs. She would be just awake enough to begin lightly caressing my arm, and we would go on like that until I would give in and go for the coup de grace--her neck. Slender and tan, sweet like a ripened peach, I knew I would regain some balance with her when I got to her neck. When I would roll over and begin softly kissing her there, the change in her breathing was palpable, like the eye of a hurricane. Deep and calm, but building, always building.

It was like the feeling I had now. As long as I had waited for this moment, as perfect as it seemed, all I have to do is slide my hand over...and again make love to her in the morning. But the eye is fleeting, and my confused thoughts are swirling. I am desperate for clarity, so I close my eyes. A sinking feeling drowns me as I think of her sleeping next to me.

She was always so beautiful as she slept. Pure and free--like a wild mustang thundering across a lush prairie--only quiet, still, peaceful. How I had loved that girl! And even so, the best thing we ever did together was to take a nap. The Nap. A golden moment that lasted an entire afternoon. We laid in each other's arms on a couch in my room, a CD we both loved playing over and over, and it was perfect. There was no awareness of anything. I simply held the sun and moon in my arms, loved, and was loved.

I have never in my life been more in love than I was that afternoon. Back then, I thought that simply loving would always be enough. It's not, because when you love, whether you know it or not, you better understand loss and pain. She lies besides me now. I know she will wake up soon, and I am filled with dread. I am angry at her for putting me in this position. For the second time in our lives it is over between us, and this time it hurts more, because this time it was over before it began. And so, angry at her, I am angrier at myself because I knew all of this and still I fell for it. I know I have to leave her and not come back. She is awake now. I hear her roll over, and now her hand is on my stomach...

Lascivious side of me :)
First real attempt hehe
Being high helps…really does.