Aaatchooooo..

Everything about life till now has been accidental. Call me pessimistic, call me a sadist whatever, but this is what the truth is… it’s been purely accidental. One good reason is that I have never been sure of what to do next, not that I am not confident of what I am doing, just that I am undecided. Is that because I have not been under the influence of my parents unlike others or is it because of my way of thinking? Undecided factors come into the picture again. Thinking of what has happened till now, I never expected to be in a boarding school first of all and when I ran off from St. Paul’s Darjeeling, I thought I managed to escape…hehe surprise surprise, Dad asks me to be a part of a Calcutta boarding, cool isn’t it? It gets better when I say that I am a resident of Calcutta LOL! Considering other things, lets say getting through the hazards that JEE had to offer… again a perfect example of an accident! I was never game to sit for this dreadful exam in the first place, but I generally appeared for it because dad asked me to do so as he failed :P… surprise surprise, I got through hah! Crap this place is! Bloody every place here in Chennai stinks! The mess here sucks bigtime…pack, the crib list is too big for me to write here. Why isn’t it like those childhood stories, where every accidental incident turns out to be a FAIRYTALE! It turns out to be the best that life had to offer. Coming here led to a decline in interest in science overall because of the wonderful faculty. What else do you want? How can someone expect to lose interest in something that got him a slot there?
    
      Looking at my senior friend here, who did not get a job even after being a stud bigtime just because he did not have the numbers behind him to support him? Contemplating revenge now! People who don’t know a thing about engineering get through with awesome jobs because of the numbers. Bloody idiots. Dumbfucks don’t realize what they are doing and this trend is not new, its been going on for the past N years and still these fools don’t realize a thing or maybe they don’t want to…no one knows a thing about it.
  
      All these questions are defining the very existence of the moment… a plethora of others still trying to find a place or maybe waiting for their turn so that the profane mind can devote some time to them. But the basic question still remains. This is one thing that my conscience keeps on asking me… “Are you sure, this is where you want to be?” still not sure of an answer.
Right now I feel like sleeping on my mom’s lap. Its funny but so true that we tend to go into this foetal position when we are scared or not sure of what to do next or maybe all alone in a room. That is exactly what my posture is now. I am all alone here and I am scared of myself, my conscience which keeps on bombarding me with questions…unanswerable ones because time is the victor and its time which has forced itself upon me and I can’t do a thing about it! Since now, I am sneezing my way to glory because of my extravagant act of roaming around in shorts and t-shirt, I think its showering some mercy! Now it asks me this…

Look around you.
Look down the darkroom,
At the places that you see.
Are you sure, this is where you want to be.

These are your friends.
Are they real friends?
Do they love you as much as me?
Are you sure, this is where you want to be.

You seem in such a hurry,
To lead this kind of life
And you caused so many pain and misery.
But look around you.
Take a good look,
Just between you and me.
Are you sure, this is where you want to be.

Please don’t let my tears persuade you.
I had hoped I wouldn’t cry.
But lately teardrops seem up hard with me.
But look around you.
Take a good look,
Just between you and me.
Are you sure, this is where you want to be…