Hi!

why

2009-01-08T05:25:00.000-08:00

The kid died. He left behind memories and plans, lovely ones. The ever smiling face was like a lantern in the darkness of the capitalist regime created by the autocratic government here. His body parts were separated and they stitched it all up into a mass which was half the original size. The mother was completely shattered, the father stood tall amidst the run of events but poor li'l brother. He was not even aware of what was happening till these tyrants who had to show him the body took him to the PM chamber.

These martyrs have done their jobs, efficiently and tirelessly and they have set an example for us lucky fools who are still a part of this organisation which treats human life like excreta. If work pressure and overloading did not deter their stance, the pursuit for money killed these two brilliant young and beautiful minds. The capitalists and their cronies in their pursuit for green have painted the walls of justice with the same colour and now these fuckers will still carry out the same old marathon without people having vacant hints of what goes on inside this pool of tyranny.

For Akshay Bhandari, a great collegue and a brilliant manager, and for Nitin Singh, my partner, the kind hearted, ever smiling , pure guy who could not even kill an insect, I pray. May their souls rest in peace and their families get strength to carry on for the rest of their lives.

Simplicity

2008-06-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

The word itself says a lot of things that one can only think of and imagine the utopic world of his dreams. Pleasure in doing things for the sake of enjoying it to the maximum extent possible and not showing bestial sign of prosaic mortals who would do anything for achievement. Achievement is what everyone desires rather than enjoying the process. The result counts, often, but the beauty of the process of achieving that goal can make things anything but mundane. There are plenty of distractions in the form of bottlenecks or the people around who are result oriented. All they are, is a convenient excuse for those people who just find the idea cool to propagandize in order to achieve some other thing and hence they too are result oriented. This is not asking you to NOT be result oriented, rather, strengthening your path towards the result by making the process more compact and the result a mere consequence of the hard work and compact process control. Digressing for a moment here, when will I get over the ethereal music of Pink Floyd and getting over all those judiciously selected notes of David Gilmour. The simplicity again of the music of the greatest band ever is again the case at hand. The sincere devotion with which they made their music deserves nothing less than a silent moment of thought in your ever so precious life where you apparently dont find time to do mundane things like listening to music because you are so absorbed in other aspects which demand more attention that taking a break to listen to one beautiful solo of high hopes or maybe the fundamentally kicking chord selection of dogs or maybe even the riff of vague time sequence, 7/8 to be precise, of money. Attention to such simple details can make life far more simpler. Glad that I was unconsciously concentrating on the right aspects. Coming back, I support the argument of thales here when he said, everything is water, he raised the most beautiful and most fundamental aspect of simplicity here. Looking at the argument objectively, we can definitely raise questions but that part is only left to those who are still finding answers for the objectivity associated things. Not condescending, just a passing phase. Phidias said something similar to god watching his sculptures when asked why was the back as ornamented as the front. These are results of dedication and simplicity. Overindulging and thinking about others and making others a point of discussion which would otherwise result in brilliant observation would lead to nothing but a feeling of pride which is fake and it is known to the pride holder. It can easily seen from the fact that great people discuss ideas but common people discuss people. They cant rise above the level at which they are trying hard to stick. Again not condescending, but a passing phase where they'll find answers and question the very fact and futility in discussing people. Heretic as I am called sometimes because of such words. Idiosyncratic too sometimes. Weird as I might seem, I can clearly call the counterpart lucky because he/she was a part of a conversation which was started by him/her and it went way beyond his levels of answering his/her own mind and the questions it has on offer. Religion, the topic where it mostly comes down to, is nothing but a propagated idea which invokes fear in the minds, for it seeks not solace, but shelter in its presence. Spirituality on the other hands leads to solace of the mind and one can seek shelter also in the joyous state that is offer.
More later...time for another simple form of joy, food :)

Say no to X and yes to Y

2008-03-17T08:33:00.000-07:00

Lately, its been all about making decisions and taking stern steps in order to change to order of things and its not been a fairytale to say the least. Glad though that I am not 'fucked up' as I assumed I was because what I saw during the weekend was the fest of them 'fucked up' people. Man...isn't the world going mad? I am cutting myself off this asylum now. Don't dare call me a friend if you do not want to respect me and neither call me a friend for you want to vent your frustration only because I have a good ear. Don't keep jabbing me with that sarcasm and relating peace to politically correct capitalistic strategies because our generation is not tired of war for we never got a chance to wage one. I still love you people but I somehow sense that its not what you people want. Always tried my best to help you all in dire times, gave it my best shot but what I got in return is something which is totally not acceptable. Not that I want anything but just that fact that it was not called for and not expected. I am still the same old dude who never has an opinion about people and their lives for the lives of others has never bothered me. By the way Megadeth was cool and Mr. Mustaine as usual kicked butt of all the posers wearing black t-shirts. Dont ask me the names of the bands, might turn out to be a big fuck fest of all the insane fans. Not called for man totally not. Was I actually looking like a golfer? I mean I was wearing a pleasant green shirt and a cap. Actually, looking back, I was looking like one indeed. Fair observation I must say. Felt good to see you after a long time and felt even better because you were not fucked up.
Quoting respectmon Dave Mustaine,
Let me introduce myself, I'm a social disease.
And so I am. Prolly gonna cut myself out bigtime and I swear, the conversations henceforth will only be with family (the ones I like ofcourse) and 2 more people. I don't want people falling in the aformentioned category of the 'fucked up' to contact me. Seriously man, I might be forced to be cruel this time if I hear shit.
Thanks again for all the good times people. I am still the same dontcha worry. It's just that you have changed and this time, the change has not been accepted. Have a great life and wish you people all the success in the world.
With love

Back?

2008-02-01T05:28:00.000-08:00

You can almost say that he's back. Things are big but not as attractive as they were before and all he has on offer now is talks on a basketball tournament, guitars, compressors, pumps, turbines etc, politics in pakistan and the states. Mother fuckers all of them. Right now off to watch a match to discuss more strats on the big one tomorrow. Till then adios.

Lost Cause

2007-05-08T05:30:00.000-07:00

Today, was the day of reckoning. Yes, the outcome of the long drawn battle between the mind and the body, the inner and the outer, the professional and the personal was announced. Who lost ultimately? 'Twas me...yeah the renegade was defeated by the system. Goodbye blogger...

P.S - the only lesson I learnt is that I cannot count on anyone...yes anyfuckingone.

End of Another Chapter

2007-03-29T03:19:00.000-07:00

The metalhead has these songs on his winamp playlist currently
1. There She Goes - The La's
2. Last Kiss - Pearl Jam
3. Bird on a wire - Leonard Cohen
4. The News - Leonard Cohen
5. Leif Erikson - Interpol
6. Kickin' the Heart Out - Rogue Wave
7. Portions for Foxes - Rilo Kiley
8. KK - Pal
9. Rocky Raccoon - The Beatles
10. Canon in D major - Johann Pachelbel
11. Casimir Pulaski Day - Sufjan Stevens
12. Ordinary World - Duran Duran
13. Mamma - Rata Blanca
14. We are One Tonight - Switchfoot
15. Nothing as it seems - Pearl Jam
16. Leaving on a Jet Plane - John Denver
17. Champagne Supernova - Oasis

He has a Ying Yang, a die, an R and a certain someone facing the alter ego with clumsy hair on his right shoulder. He defrags instead of fragging! Has a t-shirt which says 'I'm Feeling Lucky and I'm armed with condoms'. A headless phoenix on his back. Memories in his fucked up head and complete withdrawal symptoms in his every act which includes walking alone around the institute from 0100 hrs to 0400 hrs after getting drunk. How could they sing pal inside a call taxi?

Ahem...something's fishy. Anyway, the after-effect will take its toll for another week and the getting-over bit shall mature by then. I swear I wont pull a 'before sunset'.

They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone
But for what we've become, we just feel more alone
Always weigh what I've got against what I left
So progress report: I am missing you to death

XOXOX
Less than three :-)

Trip

2007-03-20T08:08:00.000-07:00

Lab, auto, long beach, taxi, bus, Bangalore, marijuana, 300, alcohol, marijuana, crash, 4:30 am, alcohol, marijuana, call, sid, maiden show, VPN (suck), Parikrama <3, st="on">Scotland, weeds (blah!), Ibanez GSR200, Speed kills, Pachelbel’s canon, Stu Hamm, still tripmax, marijuana, pizza, alcohol, Hattrick???(wtf?), hair pulling, clapping, interval woes, marijuana, crash, 4 am, The Naked Mile (thu!), Better by the dozen, listening to celebrity, meeting a celebrity, blue spice, vodka with lime cordial, back, marijuana, stoned, Indian Batting till 45 overs, bus, 5:21 am Chennai, 8 am class, lab at 1 and back just now to write all this.

Characters:

Gapa, Dumbo, Aastha, Lala, Naan, Masti, Macha, Banner, celebrity, sid. I was NOT there. Yeah, the ignorant dumbfuck who does not have to try hard to be what he is.

Loved:

The welcome break, silence, the fact that no one bothered, my rejuvenated obliviousness, Kuntrymax in the theatre,Styx, MAIDEN!!

Hated:

Posers during the show, susceptibility, the fact that I got used, my juvenility (not exactly but yeah kind of), not visiting masi’s place.

Moral:

WTF? STFU and Pooooorrrk, which means crab people, will always be crab

Fleee

Rant

2007-03-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

Changes in human nature due to circumstances are so awesomely aweful! People never bother to even look back at what they were in order to be what they are. Being what you are is good, but you actually were someone else and now what is being done is that you are making futile attempts at redeeming yourself to another level, which is so unacceptable. I mean eh? I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise! I see you today as something and tomorrow as someone else just like watching two Brad Pitt movies in a day. Sounds really funny but it gets on my nerves. Inborn characteristics are taken for a hike! OMG! Where are the ethics and principles? Aaaah why am I even thinking of all this when I know it is the upbringing, which matters in such cases. All they hear is otiose after otiose and hence harbor such ideas. These kind of things are the harbinger to produce the kind of person you are. Zero ethics, no moral values, everything is fair, crap is good, utter bullshit I say! Anyway, it’s up to the levels of settling down for mediocrity. One should actually pity this class. Me? Yeah I do pity them a lot, but then again I wonder why? Why should I pity for them? Who am I? The Godfather of the lot or what?

This forces me to think whether it is the right way or not? Because the real you, if it comes out, then it is never accepted by the society and people around you. Why? No good reason behind that either. Scarcity of concrete reasoning is another one of the reasons why this issue is never raised. Running away from the truth is like fashion! Learning from mistakes and then changing some parts of you is very much acceptable because it is the way life is meant to be, but changing yourself overnight for no reason whatsoever is like “hmm…so I would love to be Sobhraj today, but no it would be better if I were Osama.” B-A-H! Clamorous shouting for this change catalyses the process further and then comes the best part. You are loved by a group of people for being someone you are not. Bunch of fools and their cronies. IDIOTS! Only to satisfy others huh? Never even bother about your own conscience and yeah die with your boots on, with a gazillion people attending your funeral and lamenting the loss of the guy who was so good and happy go lucky etc. But you will know that you were the worst victim of the disease so known as bipolar disorder. Don’t look at it in a stern way will you. Yeah I agree truth as straight as this comes like a cut throat shotgun shell. But I must say, if there is something the “you” kind deserve…it’s this. I read this somewhere and I am glad I can repeat this. You’ve whored your soul to the devil.

Negatives

2007-01-04T06:47:00.000-08:00

Not a bead glistens my eyelashes when I am in intractable trauma,
But can’t stop my surging tears at higher r_gamma;
Am I weird?
I crave and miss my loved ones, whom I cannot see,
Is it because they are no longer there for ME?
Am I selfish?
I wish to pull the moon and wrap it around,
I long to get hold of Aladdin’s magic lamp to fulfill my wishes unbound;
Am I immature?
Death scares me, Rejection scoffs at me, Expectations tense me, Luck has forbidden me
The fear of losing my kith and kin terrifies me;
Am I a coward?
Am I weird, selfish, immature and a coward?
So many negatives huddled in a pod,
Am I a pessimist?

Murder most faux

2006-12-16T21:00:00.000-08:00

Ok you fellows. We cops really have to do something about this Jessica Lal case, what with everyone starting from Soniaji downwards getting pissed off with us and going around saying we don’t know how to do our job, despite all that ‘With you, for you – ALWAYS’  funda. So let’s start from scratch. When investigating a crime, what’s the first thing to be established? Yes, you in the last row with your hand up. What’s that? You put your hand up not because you know the answer to the question I asked but because you want to go to the loo? All right, then. Off you go and don’t forget to wash your hands before coming back. Now, since no one seems to know the answer to the question I asked, I’ll answer the question myself. The first thing a cop does when investigating a crime is to establish that a crime has infact been committed to begin with. And in the Jessica Lal case we know for sure that a crime was committed. Namely, that premises not licensed by the relevant authorities to serve alcohol were in fact doing so, in clear contradiction of the Excise Act of 1927, Subsection 3 , Para 2.

       Fine, now that we’ve established that a crime was committed (i.e serving of unlicensed booze) lets get on to the dubious allegation that a firearm was discharged in the said premises. This is a very dubious allegation indeed as no firearm has been recovered, either from the scene of the crime or anywhere else. To compound matters, there is some suspicion that there was not just one but two unrecovered firearms. Which makes matters doubly suspicious. Practically a whole arsenal gone missing. The two-firearm theory also suggests the of possibility of there having been not one but two different shooters, one called Manu and the other called Sharma. Now where does all this two-of-everything line of argument logically lead? Simple. It proves conclusively that everyone present was blotto on unlicensed booze and was seeing double. If further proof were needed that a crime had been committed (the consumption of unauthorized grog) it is supplied by the two-gun, two-shooter hallucination. It’s a wonder no eyewitness swore seeing a tangoing twosome of pink elephants.

      Next we come to the question of witnesses turning hostile. And the question is: Wouldn’t you turn hostile if for sever years you have to keep on repeating the same old routine, all the while nursing a mother of a hangover from all the unlicensed bingeing, courtesy Bina and what’s the young brat’s name? ‘Course we need a witness protection programme. Witnesses need to be protected from all those snoopy investigators, prosecutors, and judges asking them more tricky questions that you get in one of those Board exams that are forever traumatizing kids. It’s not fair. They should form a trade union, witnesses should. Witnesses of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your testimony.

    Yes, all in all, it’s high time we reopened the Jessica Lal case. Poor girl. So tragic. The first case of terminal conjunctivitis in the whole history of medicine, and so young too. AIIMS should carry out a thorough investigation, never mind all this bird flu nonsense. Ah, our friend from the last row has come hotfooting back from the loo. And he’s got his hand raised again? But he’s just been to the loo. Hope he’s not sickening from something.

   What’s that? He’s saying he’s got his hand up this time not because he wants to go to the loo but because he’s just heard that another victim has been discovered at the scene of crime? This one is also a female, of indeterminate age, wearing long robes, a blindfold over her eyes and holding a sword in one hand a pair of weighing scales in the other. Wonder who on earth she could be, and what she died of. Guess we’ll never know…

Rage

2006-12-16T20:28:00.000-08:00

They say things about men of honour, men with valour, men of men and all that jazz…why not talk about men of dishonour, men lacking courage, man of no other? Yes, these are the most commonly available species and as humans are, we tend to just look over everything common and start evaluating things, which are rare. Another one of them commonly recognized untruths like lies, damn lies, and statistics. Anyway, this post will be utterly meaningless and will lack any impetus to provoke profound thoughts…which, if by any chance, happens, then I will have nothing left to do but commit suicide. For people who know me, they must me nodding their heads viciously at this remark.
Life is outright boring and outrageously pathetic. Zero communication, zero enthusiasm to do anything, bored of watching movies, no new music, no friends…yeah true only, no friends even when they are around here. Busy smoking pot and gulping opiates in a hurry and then justifying every act of theirs with such conviction, that even a blind man who cannot hear will be drowning himself in pity. Apart from that, they are also busy bitching about each other and me. Now this is the most annoying part. I am not a firm supporter of bitching myself even when I know things…it’s fucking gay!!! But looking at their state now, I can expect anything from them. They can even go around fucking cows, all those morons. However, which person would call him a moron or even agree with the fact that he is one? It just goes along with every madfuck saying “Noooo I am not mad don’t take me to the asylum”. But me sitting here and saying this can hardly change a thing. I say that because my zero involvement in the things that have been happening in the past four of five months have led them to a very bright assumption that says, I am the egoistic punk, the moron with a pint-sized ego. It does not make me feel bad. Instead, I feel happy that they don’t bitch around like gay fucks in front of others and have balls to say that to me who did absolutely nothing but is being generally victimized in order to achieve some means of realizing their madness. Another act of justification as I say..har har har! These are the people I held in high regard, in fact, these were the people. Now whatever they do or whatever they say is equivalent to street dogs barking at their highest pitch. I hold me dog’s bark in higher esteem :P. It only takes a few seconds for them to change their opinion about anything, which, according to them, can be attributed to the fact of getting mood swings because of these drugs. Yeah I get the point, another act of just justification of the stupid acts.
Now comes the funny part. Even when I had nothing to say for these stupid deals of theirs, they had lots. I mean hell lots! In a futile attempt at saving myself from being called a beast with no opinions, I came down with one or two replies to their profound sayings. To which obviously they had no answers, and then the clichéd “you won’t understand” announced it’s arrival. Who the fuck wants to understand? If I wanted to then I would do the shit myself rather than hearing stories from you lot. The music they listen to is not because they like it…it’s because its one of the things that gives them mild pleasure in realizing that they are doing something really cool. I am cent-percent sure that if they were made to listen to the same shit 1 year back, they would abuse it and throw it in the cans after raising a huge hue and cry about it. Irresponsible brats all the same and they show no respect towards their parents. They know it well that their parents back home are bothered about the recent changes in them but, who cares? I am a junkie man! I am feeling so good doing this. The high is fantastic. It’s unimaginable but you won’t understand since you don’t do it. FUCK YOU ALL! I don’t want to do it and I don’t care a shit of what it is and why it is. Think about your moms and dads who have raised you to the plump body of yours only to see you making a mess out of it. Unconditional love has it’s definition in them but all you want is artificial pleasure. I will NOT be surprised if I hear this from you
“…man parents are selfish punks! I don’t know what do they expect from me and why the hell do they do it?”
You bloody asswipes, they expect nothing from you. They only thing they want is you to be happy and if you think that you are happy doing this then it is the biggest fucking delusion of your life. Now I say you will not understand the pleasure of making parents happy, because you are too selfish for such unconditional acts. You will be happier if three stranger punks come across your way and you show them your coolness. This is what I call sheer lack of brains. Yeah you people are right. I am egoistic, but you were wrong when you said that it is pint-sized. It is of the fucking size of the Eiffel Tower you fuckwads.
Now comes your turn. I considered it good luck when I came to know about you. I held you in the highest esteem. Far be it for me to thwart it so soon. However, now it is not the same. I understand you went through shit for doing nothing. You were one of them victims who were uninvolved. We shared such wonderful times and now you think of me as another one of those perverts who run after stupid broads. I am ashamed of myself for two reasons.

I do not know how but I gave you the opportunity to think in those lines about me.

I could not do a thing about stupid preconceived notions even after being as close as I was to you.

However, since you know that I cannot get angry with you, all I can do is to kick myself as hard as possible. Hope everyone enjoys the scene.
I say goodbye and good luck to all. May the force be with you people. I had a great time with all of you. Thank you all for that. Now its time for me to pack my bags and go back into my shell where I have nothing to think of and more importantly, nobody to think about. I am happy with my parents and my dawg. Don’t think I need more. Nevertheless, god bless.

P.S. – I would love the fact that the people I am referring to here read this and think of me as the biggest scumbag ever born in humankind. It will help matters though a beast as I am considered to be, I have a heart, a kind one…

Hello Mr. Bad Luck

2006-11-20T07:43:00.000-08:00

So it goes like this...
Rain follows me like a bitch for 20 days continuously and the count does not stop here. Acquiring an awesome immunity did not help matters because on the 19th day I fell sick which, coincidentally, was on the eve of CAT. LOL! Got up early for the exam and was all ready and raring to go when I found a cripple for an auto. It crashed 3 times on the road and finally an accident was required for me to catch another one who cribs like a duck for 10 minutes for the cash. My centre for the exam gave me shudders. Felt like as if the roof would crash down on my head any instant. So the exam started and I wasted half of my time wiping my nose with tissues which were checked for chits et al. Really can't understand why the world cannot comprehend the issues associated with stuff that is sealed. Anyway, going on, I found sometime to crash also during the exam..BAH! When it finally got over, I had to walk all the way back because of the lack of empty autos around the place. Bleddy the number of people who turned up to accompany a candidate was 4 on an average. Made me think of my dad who did not even know about the fact that his son is actually sitting for an All-India examination. Yeah yeah ignorant parents are rare to find. Feels good to be in the exception class :P.
I come back to the hostel and I hear a friend laughing his ass out over the dilbert strip for the day. I rush towards my room in order to check it out but to my utter and complete dismay, all I see is thisNo need to look surprised. He is the bloglines plumber

Hi,
I'm the Bloglines Plumber. Bloglines is down for a little fixer upper. We will be back shortly. Bloglines will be all better when I'm done with it.
Thanks,
The Bloglines Plumber.
In short I am in trouble in the near future :)

Come Back

2006-10-31T02:23:00.000-08:00

I see the clouds rolling in and oh how it looks like rain
And it is always I fight for the welcome change
When it rains it pours on this heart of mine
So, I take the storms I feel to her each time.

But I know she has lived under her own pouring rain
Yet under her water her heart still doesn't change
She can walk away from what hangs overhead
And, not in her storm, are words left unsaid.

Not in her storm have I ever felt alone
Her storm ends, so I, may find my way home
It's for me that she pushes away her own rain
So, that I may find comfort in calling her name.

She lives in this world for the sake of another's heart
God, how she eases the miles when worlds apart
And she never wanders when your world falls through
Not ever in her storm would she do this to you.

She has wings that I know not only I can see
Cause only an angel could find strength to carry me
It's the way that the eyes can surely view
How her heart's written so clearly in what an angel can do.

Not in her storm is her work ever done
And even in her storm she hands me the sun
When her world is dark - I always have light
And now how I hold the new color of night.

She takes then she gives to an unhappy face
So that many can find an awesome place
Not in any storm that I will ever live beneath
Could ever change what I hold here inside of me

Friendship is too sacred a relationship and I am not a traitor. I do understand that I could not live up to your expectations but that’s why they say “Blood runs through our veins, that’s where our similarities end”

Please…

The End..

2006-10-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

I am such a sucker
And I'm always the last to know
My insides are copper
And I'd kill to make them gold
Conversation got me here: another night alone in the city
So make my bed the grave and shovel dirt onto my sheets

Every friend we ever had in common
I will sever the tie, sever the tie with you
You can thank your lucky stars
That everything I wish for will never come true

I've seen sinking ships go down with more grace than you
Turn this up I'll tune you out
Another night alone in the city, yeah
Fake it like you matter
that's a lie we can both keep, ohh

When you go, I will forget everything about you

I’m FRUSTRATED.
Absolutely irritable.
Throwing this stupid temper tantrum.
Annoyed beyond belief.
Sad till I don’t know if I should start crying, or start laughing hysterically.
So pissed off I could kick anyone in my way to the north pole.

It's me against luck now and I know I won't win...no one ever has and hence I shall turn out to be another one of them rebellious and sorry victims. What did I do wrong? Can anyone tell me? Why should I deserve this...fuck all the morons fuck YOU fuck ALL. I will be pissed off in peace all you fuckwads! Let me be like this and leave me the fuck alone.

The last post was utter shit. I dont have a home either...I seriously dont deserve it I dont! Anyway my share of luck and this too shall pass

The Eternal Snafus

2006-10-06T07:09:00.000-07:00

Don’t feel like home. He’s a little out.
And all these words elope. It’s nothing like your poem.
Putting in. inputting in. Don’t feel like methadone.
A scratching voice all alone It’s nothing like your baritone.

It’s nothing as it seems. The little that he needs. It’s home.
The little that he sees. Is nothing he concedes. It’s home.

One uninvited chromosome. a blanket like the ozone.

It’s nothing as it seems. All that he needs. It’s home.
The little that he frees is nothing he believes. It’s home

Saving up a sunny day. Something maybe two tone.
Anything of his own. A chip off the corner stone.
Who’s kidding? Rainy day. A one way ticket headstone.
Occupations overthrown. A whisper through a megaphone.

It’s nothing as it seems. The little that he needs. It’s home.
The little that he sees is nothing he concedes. It’s home.
And all that he frees. A little bittersweet. It’s home.
It’s nothing as it seems. The little that you see it’s home.

Kids at play. With innocent tone
Shouted..
The cheese always stands ‘alone’

You do it halfway. He dropped his strings by a full tone.
And the music so created, did justice to his poem.

Another attempt. Conscience clear
Turned futile. Never made him his own
What came out?
Something harder than a stone.

Hurdle cleared, nice and fine
1520 was the number
But..
There was something he disowned.

The storm abated, he was calm.
He lost something… a feeling.
He’s let go and wants to go on
And on and on and on…

With this in mind.
Three people to look up to.
Realises that to something, he is not prone.

It’s nothing as it seems. Everything he needs, it’s home.
Every fucking thing was a delusion, the only thing he owns, it’s home.

Extension of Ament’s musings. Damn! There is something I can relate to…

To....

2006-09-19T04:26:00.000-07:00

I found the cure to growing older
And you're the only place that feels like home
Just so you know, you'll never know
And some secrets weren't meant to be told
But I found the cure to growing older

I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again
And I've got arrogance down to a science
Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends

Douse yourself in perfume it's
So fitting, so fitting of the way you are
You can't cover it up
Can't cover it up

They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone
But for what we've become, we just feel more alone
Always weigh what I've got against what I left
So progress report: I am missing you to death

This is all I have for the taste of the wild that you've provided me with. It will always be considered as a fond memory. Thank you for everything. *waves a goodbye and says* Don't leave...

Passing the ultimate test

2006-08-25T00:04:00.000-07:00

I’d assumed I was the central character in my story till it occurred to me that I might, infact, could be a minor character in someone else’s story..

So I forgot to mention that much to my delight, I could watch all the big WC matches on a big screen while I was on my first ever vacation at home. Funny :). Whilst I was busy watching the games, there were these analysts who just read the papers and could understand if the team would win or not. Sheer brilliance I say! Anyways, the Zidane issue went way out of hand and I don’t know how could they grant him a punishment as severe as a 3 match suspension after his retirement. Haha…world full dumbfucks and their cronies! All smart asses gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict. Bah! Lets get back to the point which this post is about to highlight.

People have been talking about Zizou and his exploits during the cup but as far as these skanky plagiarists are concerned, (they mug the whole newspaper off or what?!) it begins with the customary head-butt incident. The discussion goes on and on and it becomes a treat for the people who are in it and for those who are enjoying the odd mug of beer in vicinity. Gossiping is fucking gay man! Bitching is one more thing, which is almost to the levels of wallowing with pigs. Good for us yokels who are least interested. Gasp! Why not talk about Zidane as a person and what he has achieved rather than the ‘greatness’ of the head-butt incident.

    People say that the English are obsessed with the idea of greatness. That’s not such a bad thing to be obsessed with in my view. Put the very, very good here and the great there – and ponder. What divides them? Who do we withhold greatness from one end and bestow it so willingly on another?

   When it comes to football, atleast I think I have the answer. Scan a player for possible greatness and ask: does he score goals? Good. Does he make goals? Good again. Now for the question that actually matters – Does he make teams? Has he created a great international team in his own image by the brilliance of his play and force of his mind.

   If the answer is yes, then we are very rare company – the rarest of the rare. Pele, obviously, Franz Beckenbauer, Diego Maradona. Me…I’d throw Johan Cryuff in there. I know he hasn’t got a World Cup on his CV, but should have. But that’s the level at which we are arguing.

  On, then, to Zinedine Zidane. And no argument, none whatsoever. A great footballer. If anyone has been in doubt about that, this last hurrah at his last World Cup, in which every game he plays might be his last, has destroyed it, reminding us all the ways in which his greatness was expressed. As ever, his presence on the pitch makes the team as a whole better and also makes every individual on his own, play better.

   Many of Zidane’s moves would have looked flash if performed by anyone else. But they were never performed for his own self but, always in context of the search for victory. Zidane was a player with an immense sense of style, but style was remorselessly subjected to content. He never played virtuoso for the sake of it, it was a temptation he was immune to.

   Always severe and serious, but with that strange sense of detachment. It was as if he were well aware of the absurdity of football and, for that matter, of life. All the same, he could still see no point in giving these absurdities anything less than his best. He played with a wonderfully Gallic sense of cool, as if he had a Gitanes in his mouth even as he turned, swiveled, and passed.

   But it was not what he did that was the key to his greatness, it was what he was. It was his presence  that made the fin de siecle France team, the greatest in the world, one of the greatest ever. They began their exuberant charge to World Cup glory in ’98 with a 4-0 victory so they’ve got no chance, I remember saying. Peaked too soon, haven’t they? And anyway you cant win the WC without a proper striker.

  You can if you have Zidane in your team, with his conductor’s baton and his slide rule and his falconine profile and his Gitanes ablaze. And just to prove that it was no fluke, he led the France team to victory in the European Championships two years later.

   I remember the defining picture of the triumph of 1998 – the hands holding aloft that monumentally ugly trophy, hands of every shade of colour that human pigment can come up with. It was a victory for a nation unified by un sang impur and at the heart of it, Zidane, with his North African blood and his hooked bill of a nose and an almost ecclesiastical air about him, with his widow’s peak of stubble and tonsure.

  Martin Johnson, the England rugby union captain in the World Cup Triumph of 2003, said that he never set himself up to be a leader. It was just that people tended to follow him, demonstrating that the true gift of leadership is to inspire ‘follow ship’ in everyone else. That was something that Zizou was able to do. Zidane was what David Beckham aspired to be but fell short of. No shame for Beckham there. Both reached for the stars; Zidane got there, Beckham dint but I’ve always got more time for the over-reachers than the giver-uppers. But alas, poor David, Zizou really was the best footballer in the world. Zidane really did function as the heart, soul and inspiration of a great team. Zidane really did win the World Cup. Draw a line between Beck and Zizou, then, on one side you have the very, very good, on the other you have the indisputably great

   See it’s easy to tell the difference when you know how, isn’t it?
On that note I shall set my books ablaze and start the disillusionment process of many a top rung studs as they call them.
Damn! Did I just talk about mugging? Worst ok? Go die you idiot!
Bah!

The second cut is the deepest

2006-08-14T02:45:00.000-07:00

I wake up in her bed for the first time in almost ten years. Looking over, I think about how much I had always loved to make love to her in the morning.

I would awaken and lie beside her, listening to her breathe, watching her lithe body rise and fall like an ocean swell. Like a panther for its prey, I would lie in wait until I could no longer stand it and then, only then would I slowly slide my hand under the covers, so painfully slow so as not to wake her, that I sometimes wondered if I would ever reach her. So long, that my hand would warm itself and she would barely feel it, only beginning to lightly stir as it came to rest on my favorite spot--her taut, sensuous stomach that begged to be touched. And so I would, lightly tickling and dragging the tips of my fingers in elaborate hieroglyphs. She would be just awake enough to begin lightly caressing my arm, and we would go on like that until I would give in and go for the coup de grace--her neck. Slender and tan, sweet like a ripened peach, I knew I would regain some balance with her when I got to her neck. When I would roll over and begin softly kissing her there, the change in her breathing was palpable, like the eye of a hurricane. Deep and calm, but building, always building.

It was like the feeling I had now. As long as I had waited for this moment, as perfect as it seemed, all I have to do is slide my hand over...and again make love to her in the morning. But the eye is fleeting, and my confused thoughts are swirling. I am desperate for clarity, so I close my eyes. A sinking feeling drowns me as I think of her sleeping next to me.

She was always so beautiful as she slept. Pure and free--like a wild mustang thundering across a lush prairie--only quiet, still, peaceful. How I had loved that girl! And even so, the best thing we ever did together was to take a nap. The Nap. A golden moment that lasted an entire afternoon. We laid in each other's arms on a couch in my room, a CD we both loved playing over and over, and it was perfect. There was no awareness of anything. I simply held the sun and moon in my arms, loved, and was loved.

I have never in my life been more in love than I was that afternoon. Back then, I thought that simply loving would always be enough. It's not, because when you love, whether you know it or not, you better understand loss and pain. She lies besides me now. I know she will wake up soon, and I am filled with dread. I am angry at her for putting me in this position. For the second time in our lives it is over between us, and this time it hurts more, because this time it was over before it began. And so, angry at her, I am angrier at myself because I knew all of this and still I fell for it. I know I have to leave her and not come back. She is awake now. I hear her roll over, and now her hand is on my stomach...

Lascivious side of me :)
First real attempt hehe
Being high helps…really does.

Perils of the freshie invasion

2006-08-05T04:24:00.000-07:00

This has been the most lame of all the first weeks I have had in college. No music, no gaming at the levels, which I have been used to, and to add to that I have frustration as my best friend as I am still to register myself for the semester. BAH! Too much of a responsibility on us jobless ones. Taking that last post as a warm up exercise for some mindless drivel, I can very well imagine what is in store for me for the rest of the sem. ULTRA BULL CRAP! Sets up the tone doesn't it?Therefore, I thought I might try a hand at ragging and believe me when I say this… I have not ragged a single freshie till date. Summer was ok types apart from the fact that I saw all the WC matches and the big ones on a big screen at HHI with old friends and lots of beer. Did I say CRV by any chance? Man…what a drive! Dad showered some mercy by handing me the keys at the right times. Put the overdrive on, on a flyover and omg what a feeling! Sans reality, I say.

Everyone has been discussing about opiates like codeine, heroin etc, a topic, which doesn’t interest me at all. The schizophrenic hallucinations associated with them are enough to cause consternation. They might call it the ultimate feeling, but very frankly, I am scared to say the least. Which is why I can call it schizophrenic, a term that cannot be associated with it at all. This is all due to a very bad experience with magic mushrooms last summer when I was in Michigan where these idiots played a bad trick of putting some inside a burger. Morons…I started hallucinating. I found myself in a cave with polar bears and all. MUMMY! *shudders*The down trip was also very painful and it was, very frankly, an event, which scared the living daylights out of me for any further psilocybin or the next level of opiates. At the same time, those who are stuck up with this, only they can help themselves. Mormons are there everywhere but then who am I to go on preaching around. But what the hell? I am digressing excessively.

So it goes like this. Good boy Blunt gets up very early on a fine Friday morning, puts his running shoes on and is about to go for jogging when it suddenly strikes him that he forgot to brush his teeth. So he brushes his teeth and happily starts off for his room. “I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise” is what he told himself when he saw some stranger in his room who was flirting with the beloved acoustic bass. His countenance, in plain and simple words, was like that of a monkey who was left free to unleash the beast inside him. His sharp, pointing, and protruding ears helped the cause. Therefore, it was decided that this stranger needed to be informed that it was not his room, so he could not fiddle around with the stuff, which is kept inside, especially the bass. I mean, what the fuck man! How can someone generally enter a room in the first place and that too when it is latched outside? So Blunt enters the room and is about to inform the guy about certain facts, before which he is bombarded by a set of questions, the funniest of the lot being “Who are you and where were you da?”.

Blunt wanted to say “I’m fucking Lou…who the fuck are you?”. Instead, he informed him of the fact that he was in perilous territory and anything could happen. That is when the heart breaking cannon ball landed. He looked at me from top to bottom as if he were ‘analyzing’ to say the least, a chick. Bah! He was very confident when he said this… “How can you possibly relate yourself to perilous territory?” I was angry now and before I could actually unleash the beast, the fellow very matter-of-factly asked, “Is this your room?” and before I could manage to open my mouth he says, “Hey before that, do you mind telling me which course is this (pointing towards ID110)? I had to now, it was a now or never situation. So, I went inside the room sat on the bed an asked him whether I looked like a freshie? He was smirking. Can you even believe the audacity with which he was treating a final year student! Again very matter-of-factly, he said “Hehe obviously man…which branch are you in?” I asked him if he was allotted a single room or something to which he again said yes!!! I could not believe it. How can these first year dweebs be allotted single rooms? As freshies all of us supposed to be tykes and a triple sharing room is allotted so that we can morally support each other and all. However, looking at this monkey, it could very easily be inferred that he not at all a tyke. Maybe when he comes to know that I am in my Final year, he might come and apologize after being ragged the other seniors in the hostel. Yeah right, high hopes without doubts. I should have shoved him there itself. However,much to my chagrin, I could not do much as I had to leave for a presentation. Yet again I will become the laughing stock of them wingmates who tend to pounce on the silliest of the news. Sacrilege! Utter and complete. Embarrassing as it will be, it can be compared to something which was like this "Go get a real girl whose name doesn't end with .jpg" LOL. Reason enough for beer and celebration as stewie would point out... if not then you can as well go porrrk yourself. Did I hear someone asking what is porrrk? Oh..It's nothing but another one of them thought provoking words thought of by the ostensibly hardworking anand. It's easy, just an acronym; Pitch Forrrk! Extreme fart!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Captain Bloody Obvious

2006-07-31T07:27:00.000-07:00

Could someone please explain to me why people feel it absolutely necessary to state the obvious? An example would be "Gee, you look like you're in a bad mood today." Don't you fucking think I know I'm in a bad mood? Wow, I was having a thoroughly bitchin' day until you pointed that out you fucking spastic, half-retarded, tongue-chewing waste of skin.

Are they trying to piss me off, do they want to see me go postal? They must because they do a fanfuckingtabulous job of making my ire reach the point of no return.

What would I do without the caring and compassion of these obviously dimwitted Samaritans?

I'D BE PISSED OFF IN PEACE YOU FUCKWAD!!

There are times when I really just don't want to deal with the incredible stupidity and general mental deficiency of the populace, alas I'm not independently wealthy (yet) nor do I have a sugar babe (mmm, rich Mischa Barton). So until that happens, do yourself a favor and shut your fucking word-hole if you feel the urge to blurt out something that is incredibly obvious to the rest of us. If you can do that I'll feel less compelled to tear off your head and shit down your neck, which I think no one would like to see (except Jackass, I swear that fucker has some sort of bet going as to when I'll snap).So, in conclusion, SHUT THE FUCK UP. I don't need to hear the constant ramble of verbal diarrhea spewing from the lips of these moronic dipshits and I'm pretty damned sure no one else wants to hear it either.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr...

2006-06-23T00:12:00.000-07:00

"The brain is the most wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up and keeps on working till you reach office.
Yeah right! Holds true for most of them except Rishabh."
Well...thank you so much sir. It's definitely not bad...yeah! Everyone knows you're a jerk bigtime. Fairly intelligent on your part to be announcing this publicly in a subtle way.
Bastards!

Images, words and scenes from a memory...

2006-05-05T04:32:00.000-07:00

Bubbling with enthusiasm to do something good this summer

I’ve been waiting and waiting but alas…

Even Droogy is enthusiastic about the project at hand. I have never seen him as enthusiastic ever before!

Isn’t it understandable? But actually it’s my ignorance or laziness whatever one may call it, because it was about to happen a couple of days back

All I can say is that I will finally spend some good time at a place where I don’t know anyone. YES anyone! That’s so cool! Just me, droog and the project and maybe one of those Osho ashrams where you can find some Ketamine or MDMA to trip on :P.

Was I too busy or was it because of something else, but it was offering a helping hand…the very statement. What a fool I am to have missed out on the opportunity.

So I say goodbye to my comp and lead a life of isolation, with the best company! What else do I want? I suppose nothing. Bidding farewell to my mates yet again (what a vetti fellow I am thu!)

What good times they were when it came my way. I enjoyed every moment. It’s been long since I experienced it last. I want to experience it once before I go. Please oblige me once…please!

This is to all those who haven’t heard of this amateur artist called Jerry C. Listen to one of his compositions called Cannon rock. What pure music! Blend of the symphony, the ever so brilliant, happy and vibrant natural scale and progressive music along with riffs that will send shivers up the spine of professional thrash metal bands. I am serious and there is nothing thrashy about the song as such but you have to listen to it to understand what I am trying to say here. For more I think better search for Cannon rock on youtube.

There was a phase which made me feel like as if it’s there, but then again there were times when I felt like it’s forbidden me. But then again it came back like a cool breeze to lighten up the moment again. Just hoping that it never forgets me because I will keep coming to experience the salvation and will be there for it whenever it wants me to. It should continue like this till the rest of my life. Pure and simple things have their own way of attracting people. Do believe me when I say that this is pure, please do.

Yay! Off to Pune to work and play some quality music and along with all these, check the place out because I have never been there. The best part is that we don’t know anyone there and hence we will face all the troubles of finding accommodation and places which can be such an adventure. Really looking forward to it!

Please…

dRjAvNuDnOfM aRoAbNsTjIfNmGdS tOjF sAp aZkOgMgBjIoE

2006-04-22T15:56:00.000-07:00

?
Up at 3:40 A.M. Arbitmax hour of the night. Can’t understand why…Endsems? Nah nice try. Hungry? Yeah! Can’t find anything to eat. As far as eating is concerned, lack of funds(end of the sem as it is) led me and gapa to the Himalayan expedition. RR C1 fuckers prepared paw bhaji it seems! The paw seemed some 2 hours old and the combination of the two made it more of a dessert rather than the junk I am used to eating. Milk Bread combined with sweet gravy. Bah! The worst was when I was receiving all this from the guy at the counter. Obviously assuming it to be good, I asked him for a second serving so that I don’t have to come back to counter and stand in that dreadful line! The guy made a misery-struck face which asked me “why saar, why do you want a second serving of this shit?” Looks are definitely deceptive. A dumbfuck that I am, I dint even bother to look at him again and started staring at the empty bowl indicating that I wanted more of the bhaji so called! He, not so gleefully, poured some of the contents from the big trough of his. After finishing off with this shit, the genius in me asks, “Chal be gape, lets have an ice-cream.” Gapa readily agreed and as soon as he opened the freezer, he saw a couple of cups which were covered with some thermocole type material. He said “chal yaar aaj ye kha lete hain”. Then when we start eating it, I find it a Herculean task to dig through and delight my senses of taste with some brilliant flavoured ice-cream. Initially I couldn’t do a thing about it. Then miraculously I generated some power and the thing popped up and now I could dig deep and thulp on whatever was there on offer. Then the regular cigarette after lunch/dinner then a bit of quaking and I crashed without mugging at all with the endsems in a couple of days time.
How can Bush be president of the U.S.A??
Billy Sheehan, Victor Wooten and the best Cliff “the great” Burton are my inspiration!
Black by Pearl Jam is the song for the week.
Please do watch the movie Office Space. No wonder software engineers are morons :P.
My comp was on for 29 days 11 hours 16 min and __ seconds before it generally restarted. On asking the geek, the reply was that XP has a freaking bug which has a parameter which keeps on changing on a regular basis and it can hold only up to some 30 days. Hmmm…Microsoft sucks man!
How can people still use I.E?
Constipated cunts in the mosque, close to the hostel, have started yelling like as if there is no tomorrow.
There are two Rishabh's in the institute, One is called cock, the other is called pussy. Har har har
Worth laughing at no?
Bah! (BTW I am cock :P)
Mosquitoes, you freaking bitches…aargh! When will you quit?
Read Slashdot. The funny comments are really funny. The latest one being YAY! LOL!! That was for the latest Microsoft development for making a patch for patch in XP. Awesome Mr.Gates, your friggin twerp!
Rothmans is officially the favourite fag now!
Nothing like Hi-Look bread-omelets at this hour of the day. Just came back after having a couple hehe.
Internships are grossly overrated. Big fucking deal! Who cares a shit?
The cat I have here as a pet is yelling at the top of its voice which is vexing me like crazy!
Yawning, yawning, yawning…
While I’m sitting like a zombie and typing all this crap, the world seems to think of Marvin!
"Life... don't talk to me about life."

"I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself into [the ship]'s external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length, and explained my view of the universe to it, " said Marvin.

"And what happened?" pressed Ford.

"It committed suicide," said Marvin.

Marvin: I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.
Trillian: Well, we have something that may take your mind off it.
Marvin: It won't work, I have an exceptionally large mind.
Trillian: Yeah, we know.

Pack
Time to crash. Need to wake up for lunch.
Worrusht I am!

Farewell

2006-04-20T02:57:00.000-07:00

This one is a long-overdue post… just like that of gapa’s, about hostel night and how much I will miss you all seniors. These fuckers have been so good and so helpful and have always been there for me.
Mandak hostel night hehehe nothing left to say. For the past three years, its been awesome and it’ll always be the way it has been just because when we were freshies, we saw these people doing it in front of us and all we have done is to follow the footsteps with tremendous amount of support from these guys as usual. The best part was that jha, banner and TG also turned up which added colour to the ever so brilliant Raindance (TG wasn’t much of a help :) just like me)
To start, Gapa, GAyPA, elder brother, sutta and movie partner
Chissssssssss, hoorraaaai, eeeeeffff, khooob are a few of his favourite words hehe. A geek big time, anime freak, awesome company and dangerously gay. I have never been a victim though, but junta can ask akshat for further details. His walking style includes the ass wiping techniques where the right hand does the act :). Cant think of anything at this given moment but there is no end to how much you can talk about this fella and a small write up does no justice. Yeah, he is one of major gaming freaks I have seen after anand. I also land up in the same category. My third year went peacefully only because of this fellow being a wingmate. Can go to his room anytime and knock at his door, gapa will be awake watching some anime and will be ready to come for a sutta with you. Bugger prefers fags over grub! Give him a pack of original Classic Milds (Read “anywhere but taramani”), his day is made. He has this smile plastered over his face no matter what happens, be it a bad day or something, this persistence this guy exhibited during the last sem with the placement bit was too much of an inspiration and as far as I am concerned, I am a frustu max guy who cant be as persistent and as big an enthusiast. Aspire to be like him to be the ideal. To Gapa I toast! Thanks for making my third year, a year to remember!

Bacchi!! Bacchus a.k.a Bob, tech fart god! Dr. Gadgetron as gapa said hehe.

Bacchi is the guy who will fart with you for hours and hours together and solve all your problems patiently. One helluva passionate guy. His passions include, mech, tech, gadgets, his screw driver set! ( read “the best in the insti”). His trademark smile gets a smile on everyone’s face. He shifted to a different wing so I dint get the privilege to spend a lot of time with him, but the amount I spend with him was good enough for me to learn a lot! Bacchi possesses special powers all of which, reside in his beard (cogger as I am, thanks gapa). It is said that the evil part of his brain resides within his beard, and it can only be destroyed by burning it after dousing it in alcohol. To bacchi a friend for life, I toast! I will never forget the yelling and the knocking at my door at some arbit hours of the day or the night, when an innocent voice asks me the same old question which melts me..."abe yaar, ek hai kya?" Will miss you man

Vikram a.k.a The Wickerman, the guy in pink :P

This guy passed out when we were in our second year. Bugger is doing his M.S in Maryland. The dude, the friend, the stud. Someone who leads an eggstreamly normal life and is the accha baccha who went haywire in the last sem because of me :P. Smoked some pot with me during hostel night hehe. He has a strong affinity towards stuff that is pink :P. Casual to the core, footer freak, quake god, my music mate, the guy with the essentials and if he’s the guy who calls me pure then rest assured of him being the epitome of purity! This guy made me realize that Dream Theater is not as bad as I used to think and to him I raise a toast playing the first 26 bars of the Erotomania bass! The remaining is slicccchaaa nice try da, maybe next sem when I learn more scales and my runs improve.

I cant find anyone else worth toasting, apart from the awesome threesome mentioned above, maybe because I don’t know them as well as I know these fellows. There is one thing common to all the three, they all treat me as a chotu baccha :) which I definitely am! No regrets!

Aiyyo! one more year to go. Mummy what will I do without the awesome threesome. No no, I have a solution to this also. There is another threesome which will keep me going. ME MY SUTTA AND MY BASS!

I wish you people all the best in your future endeavours! May god bless you! Finally THANK YOU!

I found the cure to growing older
And you're the only place that feels like home
Just so you know, you'll never know
And some secrets weren't meant to be told
But I found the cure to growing older

I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again
And I've got arrogance down to a science
Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends

Douse yourself in perfume it's
So fitting, so fitting of the way you are
You can't cover it up
Can't cover it up

They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone
But for what we've become, we just feel more alone
Always weigh what I've got against what I left
So progress report: I am missing you to death

Untouchable

2006-04-14T21:41:00.000-07:00

It's dark and lonely.
The music is soft;
the crickets chirp and
the birds sing.

I look up at the window,
staring through myself
at the stars
on their bed of black.

If only I could grasp just one...

So I reach up,
only to fall back down
clutching nothing.

Rampant Fucking Optimism

2006-04-10T10:11:00.000-07:00

I fucking loathe these so-called optimists that feel it necessary to throw in the line "well, it could always be worse". FUCK-OFF, I'm content to feel that I've reached the bottom at least that way I feel like the only way I can go is up. To me that's optimism, at least my variation of it. If I have to worry that things can get worse then, yep you guessed it, things are most definitely going to go in the shitter.

You misanthropic, ignorant, everyone-needs-to-like-me cockbites try to disguise yourselves by acting cheery but I'm on to you. The next motherfucking asswipe that says something like that is going to wind up like the dog in the above cartoon, and no you're NOT gonna get the courtesy of a reach-around. Just think of how much worse it can get when you hear the power tools start up.

You, yes you, I can already hear the gears grinding. Be warned, if you try to pull this shit on me you'll look awfully funny walking around with a saw-z-all jammed up your ass. It'll pretty hard to get a date when the first thing out of her mouth is "why is there a power cord hanging out of your rectum?"So the next time any of you feel it necessary to open your yap and spew some nonsensical bullshit such as "it could be worse" I guarantee you it will be.

Oh yes, make no mistake, it will be.

Conscience

2006-04-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

Inoculated against sleep,
my mind races with so many quirks
and all the aspects of my life
stop me.And shake me.
And purely boggle me,
because your conscience never wears out.

The rock has dragged behind me now
for so long.
It has started to become
smooth around the edges,
like a piece of broken glass
beaten by years of
pushing
rolling
crashing surf.

A thousand souls scream
solutions to problems I cannot see
in tongues I do not understand.

I am terrified
by the anticipated abyss.

Thank You

2006-04-02T23:31:00.000-07:00

Two little words. Infinite power.

Scene : A "general stores".. Somewhere in Chennai.

Time : Well, a pretty bad one for the guy at the helm. :)

Mood : Bloody pissed off, alright. He had this nasty look on his face. Kept muttering to himself. Screamed at a couple of helpers. Too many customers, way too little helpers. And very very frustrated.

What happened : I had gone to book train tickets for a trip with my friends. I was pedaling back to the hostel, and needed a reason to stop and have a drink. Chennai, noon time. Reason enough. :)
And that was when I saw the scene. He didn't respond to me the first couple of times. So I decided to wait. After seeing off a few customers, he got around to me and asked "Enna sir vennum?"... I asked for a soft drink and happily sipped away watching him get back to the rest of his customers. He got into a heated argument with one of them too. And muttered some words in tamil(which I obviously did not understand), after the customer left. I wouldn't have been too surprised to see smoke billowing outta his ears. Time for me to pay.. how long do you expect to sip an empty cool drink bottle? I paid him the exact change, and said "Thank You".

You should have seen the child-like glee on his face, as he broke into a toothy grin to say, "Welgum".

Living through a dream

2006-03-28T03:23:00.000-08:00

Today has been one of the weirdest days of my life! Went in such a super fast blur, I actually feel I've been through a dream.

Remind me to add this in my autobiography, if I ever write one. Hey, watch it. Don't take your eyebrow up that high! If Pamela Anderson can write her autobiography, so can I! (Coming to think of it, it isn't such a bad idea, especially since my statue’s gonna be installed too!)

Ok, I'm digressing way too much. Lemme get back on track.I woke up before the alarm went off (as I always do during exams).. and I didn't have even the slightest queasiness I normally get on the morning of an exam. I was actually feeling pretty confident I'd do my exam well. That was so un-me (un-me counter starts.. 1). The butterflies paid my stomach a visit only as I was about to enter the exam hall. Good, I'd been expecting them. :)

From then, my day went completely upside down. I started every problem confidently, only to get stuck somewhere. This happened, unfortunately, to almost all the questions. There has not been a single examination, where I've actually sat through the entire 3 hours. I just cannot. I either finish my exams pretty soon because I'm well prepared, or I leave the exam hall early cause I don't know much. Today, I stayed for an extra 5 minutes (un-me counter.. 2). God bless that invigilator. (Whether the extra time helped, I never will know.)

I was almost in a state of shock. I had this dazed look stuck on my face from the time I left the exam hall. People actually came up to me and said, "Don't worry.. you will pass" even before they asked me how I'd done! Hmmm, I must have looked awful. It was almost 3 by the time I reached hostel, and I wasn't feeling too hungry (If there's anything un-me, this definitely is! Strike 3). Mess workers had made Pulao, and I mechanically ate it. Not a trace of that stupid grin that's normally plastered on my face whenever I eat pulao (that's 4 now) prepared by mom of course. I got a vague idea of how bad I looked when my mom said, "I've never seen you like this. Forget the exam. Sleep well tonight, and start studying properly for the next exam." (Should I start a un-mom counter?).(This was obviously said on a Saturday night when I went home after a full week of terrifying exams)

I switched the television on, to catch the Australia - South Africa game. The way the Proteans dragged it out, I actually started feeling bored. And this is the same person who actually sat through a Holland-Namibia game (my un-me counter stopped working.. it has never been given this much work in a single day.. besides, I realise it's getting on your nerves!). And then, I read the most dreadful set of records ever, which said even Glenn McGrath scored a half-century once :o

And no, there weren't any flying pigs sighted over the Gabba. :)

My friend called me up and laughed his guts out! I was pretty amused myself. Certainly helped ease my tension a bit. And from there-on, the day once again turned on its head. A couple of friends called me up and said they'd forgotten to wish me yesterday with all that exam tension. But, of course, they didn't forget to ask me for a treat! Not to worry fellows, Treat are there. :)Wondering why I'm being so cheerful all of a sudden, especially after all that I've gone through today? That's coz my sister gave me the best surprise I've ever received. My new Spectacles! 8-). Thanks a million, sis! I promise I'll be nice to you (for the next one month at least!! hehe). And here I am, typing all this out, over a very yummy dominos pizza, the second one I've had this week.

Life isn't so bad, after all. :)

Survival is the key

2006-03-24T09:29:00.000-08:00

I thought I'll chip in with a post today.So here I am sitting, thinking what to write and all that and wondering why the hell am I feeling so damn optimistic today in spite of life being nothing but overly miserable.Won’t it be good to be a tree? It would be awesome. I'd have the right to be lazy all my life! "Look, I got roots and can’t leave this spot even for you, can I?"
And cook all my food and never bother about the disappearance of flesh from between my bones and skin anymore...I'll also grow thorns and big ones at that. I don’t want any monkeys climbing me. would also like to get rid of the birds, they irritate me with all the chirping and dropping. In that case I’d be a fruitless, leafless one. a CACTUS!! Yes that’s what! For those whose life has been nothing short of a story, writing stories is but a knee jerk reaction, and writing them on a blog is jus a way out of the many possible.
Just came to know that people are moving on, forgetting the past and growing new roots. Cant do much, am a tree remember? That too a cactus, no shade, no fruit, basically useless, just trying to survive for its own sake.so fly away birdie, there is nothing out here in the desert. Go to the lush lands, where the grass is green and the sun is shining. And hey hey hey, don’t try sitting on my branch here. It's wicked thorny...try move out of the desert as fast as u can and don’t think too much about me, I’d be ok, I was made for the desert.

Sid rules and the musings match. Somehow cant recognize the right people at a given moment. This sometimes leads to you having juvenile altercations with the person. Kill the liar as always is the remark!

You are a LIAR

2006-03-20T05:47:00.000-08:00

Before we were born, a whole society of storytellers were already here. The storytellers who  were here before us taught us how to be human. First they told us what were are – a boy or a girl – then the told us who we are, and who we should or shouldn’t be. They taught us how to be a man or how to be a woman. They told us to be a proper woman, a decent woman, a strong man, a brave man. They gave us a name, and they told us the role we would play in their story. They prepared us to live in the human jungle, to compete with one another, to impose our will, to fight against our own kind. They filled us with knowledge, and ofcourse we believed them.

From the storytellers around us, we learned how to create our own story. By exploring the story that we create, I discovered that the story has a voice. You can call it ‘thinking’ if you want. I call it the ‘voice of knowledge’ because its telling you everything you know. It’s always trying to make sense out of everything. That voice is always there. It never stops. It’s not even real, but you hear it. You can say, “Well it’s me. I’m the one who’s talking.” But if you are the voice that is talking, then who is listening?

    The voice of knowledge can also be called the liar who lives in your head. The liar speaks in your language, but you spirit, the truth has no language. You just know the truth; you feel it. The voice of your spirit tries to come out, but the voice of the liar is stronger and louder and it hooks your attention almost all of the time. You hear the voice and what it is telling you? “Look at you. Who do you think you are? You will never make it. You aren’t smart enough. Why should I try? Nobody understands me. How can I be happy when millions of people are dying of starvation?”

     That voice is usually lying because it’s the voice of what you have learned, and you have learned so many lies, mainly about yourself. The voice of knowledge can come from your own head, or it can come from people around you, but your emotional reaction to that voice is telling you, “I am being abused.”

   Every time we judge ourselves, find ourselves guilty, punish ourselves, it’s because the voice in our head is telling us lies. Every time we have a conflict with our parents, or our beloved, it’s because we believe in lies, and they believe in them, too.

   But it’s not just that. When we believe in lies, we cant see the truth, so we make thousands of assumptions and we take them as truth. One of the biggest assumptions we make is that the lies we believe are the truth! For example, we believe that we know what we are. When get angry we say, “Oh that’s the way I am.” When we get jealous. “Oh that’s the way I am.” But is that true? I am not sure about that.

    I used to make the assumption that I was the one who said all those things that I didn’t want to say. It was a big surprise when I discovered that it was not me; it was the way I learned to be. And I practiced and practiced until I mastered that performance.

   Two thousand years ago on of the greatest masters said, “And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” Free from what? From the storyteller who lives in your head and talks to you all the time. When the voice in your head finally stops talking, you experience inner peace. If you follow two rules, all the lies that come from the voice of knowledge won’t survive your skepticism will simply disappear.

   Rule one: Don’t believe yourself (Don’t take that as “Don’t believe IN yourself”). When you hear the voice in your head, don’t take it personally. You know that it’s usually lying to you. Lies can only survive if you believe them. If you don’t believe your own lies, you can make better choices based on the truth.

   Rule two: Don’t believe in anybody else. When people talk, you have no idea if what they are saying is coming from their heart or from the liar the lives in their head. Listen because the communication can be wonderful.

   You can change your life refusing to believe your own lies. Start with the main lies that limit the expression of your happiness and your love. If you take your faith away from the lies, they lose their power over you. If you stop believing in lies, your whole life changes just like magic. You will be free of fear, drama, and conflict. This is the absolute truth.

You betrayed my trust but in someway, it worked wonders for me. I realized what I wrote above and I wont come back at you and strike with vengeance. It was a learning experience and I gained a lot of knowledge about myself and my upbringing. It encompasses the endearing quality I harboured sometime back. Now I am a changed person. Very careful before each move and each word I say. Trying hard to stay like this, but the liar inside me wont die as easily but I will make sure it dies one day and that will be a day when, despite all your efforts to drown me, I will come out as the winner. You will still be where you are and hopefully gain something by tampering with my numbers. But there will be a day, you will realize how big a fool you were to have done that.

pack

2006-03-16T03:41:00.000-08:00

I am too honest for people to understand me because such are the ways of the world these days that even the truth is supposed to seen as a sarcastic remark first and then absorbed in after an hour's explanation. I cant explain any fucking thing to you so think whatever you want to I dont care a shit. Bloody when I want something to be fair to have fun, there are always people there to spoil it. Inspite of saying nothing about it, I get victimised generally. Dont understand why. Maybe because I dont say anything. All these people understand is the language of high volume and scorn. From today I am biggest bastard around and dont care of what you or a matter of fact anyone thinks of me. I will take my time to learn these acts but becoming a miser sonovabitch doesnt take time because I see every second person here being one. So better be careful because the next time you will be see me, you will see a new facet, the calculated, the sly, the dishonest, the biggest ranger and the mother fucker ever born in mankind, Dont be taken aback, I am sure you wont because you are used to it. Now only actions no more of words, even though there were too less, now no more of it. Will never come to you for anything either, as if I did huh? and dont expect any more favours...because everything is an open market now. War is officially declared. Lets see who wins...the newbie or the experienced man who is not of his words.

Everything is wrong, Everything is wrong, Everything is wrong, Everything is wrong, Everything is wrong, Everything is wrong, Everything is wrong, Everything is wrong, Everything is wrong...

Thats the first lesson I learnt...general assumption.

Daddy Rules!

2006-03-12T20:56:00.000-08:00

An extract from my dad's scribblings...

It is a truth, widely acknowledged, that every toddler's education must begin with "Twinkle, twinkle, little star". I must admit that I, who grew up before the pre-school era, would have remained ignorant of all the must-know nursery rhymes if it was not for doting parents and their performing wards. All the world's a stage for these kids who have educated and entertained me in various living rooms, wedding halls, railway compartments and airport lounges. Listening to kids' recitations are, any day, a better pastime that discussing problems related to business and such alike or the city crime news. But I admit that sometimes, it does stretch one's patience when the kid in question buries his/her face in his mother's lap and the mother embarks upon a protracted struggle to get the child to oblige. Good that I did not have to ask my son or daughters to do such acts, but I do believe that they would come up with the best, especially my Varun known as Rishabh these days ( LOL@dad!!).

What magic could time-worn rhymes hold for the listener? I for one am ever ready for yet another presentation of twinkle,twinkle just to wonder at the multitude of variations in the lisp(wah wah wah!! Grow up dad will you??). Added to it is the observation that since children hear and interpret the words in their own unique way, every presentation is delightfully fresh, kaleidoscopic version of the worn-out lines. Once I heard Ruchi(my daughter) reel off half a dozen rhymes, one after another and conclude with a perplexing 'dakunoomishankoo' utterance. Embarrasingly, I came to know about this from Ruchi when she turned 18( LOLOLOLOL@dad!!). She translated it as , 'Good afternoon and thank you', which apparently, was the line the kids recited before dispersing. But the best one came from a chubby li'l kid [Hi to the person I am talking about;)]. Not surprisingly, his favourite rhyme was "Chubby Cheeks". The recitation was accompanied by appropriate actions. The child pinched his cheeks, touched the chin and eyes and curled the hair in the manner suggested in the poem. For the last line, 'Mother's pet, is that you?' the teacher obviously not indicated any handsign. The kid paused for a minute, decided against doing an incomplete job and did his choreography. He put both his hands on the belly, said 'mother's pate', is that you?' and signed off by patting the abdomen three times with an enthusiatic "YES!!YES!!YES!!"

The idea behind writing this was the fact that gone are those days when my kids used to do such beautiful senseless acts and make people smile. My daughters are married now and my son is doing engineering. I see them doing things which I thought I would once do. I am living my life again through my son who entertains a bunch of people by playing music, wins gaming events, does so many things that I wanted to do, the ones I did but was not as successful as he has been. The bugger doesn't like getting clicked, but he send me this pic of his playing the bass guitar. A wonderful pic where he plays "The End" by the "The Doors". Just hope that he gets whatever he wants in life and becomes a successful man.

Wonderful post dad! I still dont believe that you people did not learn twinkle twinkle hehehehe. What a shame...infact what a pity :)). Thank God you did remember my new name. You did not know about dakunoomishankoo?Tsk tsk. Psst..Ruchi told me about that also hahahahaha. Very clever indeed dad, realising that pulling your leg would be easy in a post like this. So you added that chubby cheeks version. Thu! I dont know what I was trying to do then! Worst was the fact that I was chubby then! CRAP of the highest order. Honestly Dad, I dont mind doing it again for you :). Really happy to know that I am a source of happiness and as far as music is concerned, you are my mentor. You taught me how to play the guitar. I shifted to bass, thats a different story. Hey for everyone's knowledge, my Dad plays awesome piano. He even has his very own Yamaha Grand piano and he plays it wonderfully well! Dad introduced me to this section of music called Rock and Roll. Not forgetting about Floyd and the blues and what not! Dont worry dad, even if I dont get whatever I want, we will always be happy...

Tada!

2006-03-07T22:56:00.000-08:00

I always wanted to do this but I still cant see her on this very special day. Never has there been a day when a kid goes to meet his mom to wish her "Happy Birthday". Anyways wont become a reason to celebrate and as such my meg is not bothered about such silly things and the demise of grandma wont help matters either. You are one person for whom I can do anything, really... and on this note I wish you very Happy Birthday! God bless you ma. Love you tons, wont leave you ever! Take care of yourself. I will be back, not much time left. Just bear for another 3 years like these 18 years which have passed by and you seemed to like the whooshing sound it made. No one at home. Take care of dad and blackie. Ruch, Ann and I will take care of ourselves and and and I will keep all my promises! For those who wonder why I dont like to be clicked is because I am my mom's son who herself doesnt like getting clicked. But to get a glimpse of my mom, I used my dog.

Happy Birthday Mom!

A Pretty Pleat...

2006-03-04T02:13:00.000-08:00

Hymns, chants, sacred invocations: My ears pick up the melodious aubade of my grandmother—primitive and pastoral. Myriad birds twitter and squawk outside, playing their part in the florid melodic concerto. Leaving my bed, I shuffle towards the kitchen of our village house (they call it haveli). It was ancient, rural, warm, in exactly the same form as my great-grandfather built it; large, high-ceilinged, wooden shelves stacked with shining brass utensils, the brick-hearth coated with clay and husk with an enormous chimney over it. Once, having faced a volley of arguments by her family against her ‘prehistoric’ kitchen, frustratedly grandma had said, “I know all of you consider my kitchen a wrinkle on the face of this beautiful house. But I love it the way it is. Change it after I am dead and gone”. That concluded the issue once and for all.

My nose picks up an array of aromas – sandalwood incense, wet earth, ground spices, herbal tea and a distinct body aroma which is unmistakably grandma’s. Up at the crack of dawn while the rest of the family slumbers, her old bones go about their chores with a religious zeal. Bathing in cold water, washing the kitchen, feeding the cows, invoking the gods before coating her earthen hearth with cow dung and only then starting the fire, watering her tulsi shrub in the courtyard – and all the while singing Vedic hymns. She smiles at me; her wrinkled face lighting up, the round vermillion spot on her forehead rising up a wee bit. One by one the family members awaken and congregate in her kitchen for their share of the hot herbal tea. There, sitting on low wooden stools, sipping spiced tea, they all discuss their respective work for the day; the cacophony of voices sounding like a veritable melee. Yesterday, the family congregated in the ‘ancient’ kitchen for the final time. Grandma died. And with her died the spirit of the house. Isn’t it sad how, out of sheer ignorance, we sometimes mistake a pretty pleat for a wrinkle.

God Bless you grandma… I will forever regret the fact that I did not spend as much time with you as much I was supposed to or maybe it was not in my share, your love and affection. An incorrigible loss.

Junk Nostalgia

2006-02-28T06:39:00.000-08:00

While some people embrace nostalgia the way they would their favourite pooch, others give it a wide berth as though it's poison ivy. The pro-nostalgia brigade which quickly calculates that this year is the twentieth anniversary of the day you saw your first Disney Cartoon or the tenth anniversary of the day you got your first ever accoustic guitar or blah blah blah...whatever. Those wallowing in this outburst of nostalgia insist on celebrating it with a rerun of the same. Luckily for all concerned, this feeling does not last too long, at best a week or two. Unluckily when it does go on to its logical conclusion, everyone is left wondering what on earth made them do it in the first place. My school classmates are the classic examples of this syndrome. Some of them have unearthed photographs from those days when all of us were thinner, (doesn't hold true for me :]) meaner, and ready to be unleashed on an unsuspecting world. As we see these ghosts from the past more nostalgia has come bubbling forth and there are now plans for a reunion to mark whatever anniversary since this motley batch of people passed out of school.

As the venue is being debated with some enthusiasm, we seem to forget that our colleges are have scattered us all over the globe. I am here in chennai(sick place), vishal KGP, kaju singapore, singhi michigan. The only reunion possible is virtual. That's the practical solution. But impractical as we sometimes are, we are revelling in this false camaraderie, brought about by the changing of the calendar. School reunions in particular be rather stressful exercises, what with everyone trying to confirm to images of the past even as they struggle to cope up with the present. For those celebrating nostalgia, there are enough and more reminders that you ought to catch up with your friends. Card companies thrive on soppy sentiment that past was beautiful and you must tap into it every now and then to spice up the present. Don't you get it? Most often, people do it out of a sense of misplaced duty, or the result of being high on celebratory spirit? What's worse, they'll ignore each other studiously for the rest of the year. Nostalgia deserves to be mothballed and left where it ought to be---in the past!

I know I have said real cruel things, but that is the way I have been forced to think recently. All this is because of unecessary and sudden encroachment a friend of mine into my life. The others that I have been in touch with are coming up with the same plan which is shitty! I do love my school...infact I collected a few pics of the school after the chat and also got some of our pics as boarding cuppers with real short standing hair and skinny and what not. I was nostalgic for sometime but then this guy crossed the bounds and overdid it which obviously spoils it. Bah, lets pack and go on...but before ending, I would love to share the photos I unearthed and that says something about my photography skills also :P.

Peace on earth and mercy mild

This is the back side of SXC or St.Xaviers Collegiate School...Beautiful isnt it?

One of my favourites!

Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers!

2006-02-22T11:22:00.001-08:00

In Heaven there is no beer
(No beer?!)
That's why we drink it here
And when we're all gone from here
Our friends will be drinking all the beer.

In Heaven there is no wine
(No wine?!)
So we drink till we feel fine
And when we leave this all behind
Our friends will be drinking all the wine.

In Heaven there is no fear
(No fear)
So we worry too much here
And we drink ourselves full of beer
To help us when we deal with the fear.

In Heaven there are no drugs
That's why we hang with thugs
And when the Lord pulls the plug
All the thugs will still be selling drugs, yeah.

Thugs and drugs
Beer...

In Heaven there is no sex
(Oh no!)
So let's do that next
And when our muscles no longer flex
Someone else will be having sex.

In Heaven there are no wars
Or cars, or movie stars
And when we no longer are
The world will probably still be having wars.

What the heck! Yeah!
Sex and war,
Bars and cars.
Drugs, thugs,And delicious food.

Joe forgot to wish Varun. He was sad, but what his friends did for him was way beyond his expectation. He thanked Preanka, Aakash, Anand, Mithun and Gautam profusely!

Beer Drinker and Hell Raiser no wonder hehehehe..

Memorable Gift

2006-02-20T06:20:00.000-08:00

I have a gift. I don’t know what, but like everyone even I have a gift. I am gifted with farting skills and hence joblessness has urged me on to write some worthless piece of crap yet again. Anyways, recently I have been very absorbed with work and studies and other things. Yet again I find time to do things that are irrelevant and of no importance at all to what I am supposed to do as a student here. But I finally decided to leave all my options open regarding the future. Finally thought about it because I don’t want to mess up with my parents’ lives. Reminds me of the fact that I have not spent enough time with them and when I met mom last December I realized how much I miss them. I was clinged to her and did not move an inch away from her. Call me a baby call me a mama’s pet or whatever I don’t care a shit. But is that all she wants from me. No, is the answer and she will obviously not make it apparent and these are the things you have to understand. All she wants is your happiness no matter what happens. No no no no no not again, I cant keep writing about my parents everytime. It has nothing to do with my versatility in writing about things but it’s the guilt that takes me over. Makes me think, what have I done for my parents till now? Staying away from them virtually throughout my life is a lame excuse to prove a point. This provided the necessary impetus for me to think about my career for a change, thanks to

you

. I came to learn a lot on how to move on with things and hence making decisions regarding them. I might write like as if I can do anything I want but I came to understand that I am the weakest force against myself. Irresponsibility and lethargy are the roots of these problems. I must say something about that. I just finished with my exams and just before A slot on a fine Saturday morning, I landed in Bangalore just for a competition. Heights! I don’t regret the fact because I had fun and I did not pay a huge price for this act hehe. But while coming back I was thinking of all this and I had a smile on my face and things that everyone has told me about my acts of “responsibility” if that’s how one may call it to be. But now I wont sell myself short and do whatever I want to and what I’d love to pursue as a career (Thank You again). Isn’t this what me parents what. This is exactly what they want me to do and I will do it

And it feels right this time
On this crash course we're the big time
Pay no mind to the distant thunder
Beauty fills his head with wonder, boy

Says it feels right this time
Turned it 'round and found the high light
“Good day to be alive, sir
Good day to be alive,” he said

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
is just the freight train coming your way
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
is just the freight train coming your way

So let the freight train only provide the soothing light and not scare you to death with the whole of your life in front of you and the take care of your loved ones and celebrate after a couple of days ;).

Meg was telling Varun the story of her bracelet she got as a birthday present…
It was an ornate gold bracelet made in Behrampur, Bengal, in the early 20th century. A gift from my grandma, it was a treasured family heirloom. “Keep it carefully”, she had told me on my 17th birthday. “Wear it as a bride and later, too. It will always be with you as a reminder of your Dida”. I had done as she had said, wearing it at all special occasions. And people would never fail to notice it. The bracelet connected me somehow to the ancestral home I had heard so much about but never been able to visit. On a trip back from Berkeley, California, I lost it. Was it on the plane? At the airport? Or somewhere in between? It had been a rainy night. I was sleepy when I got off at Kennedy airport at 2 a.m. and boarded the late-night bus. I remembered I had put the bracelet in a small shopping bag for ‘safekeeping’. It was the shopping bag I’d dropped off somewhere. After several calls, I found the number of Carlos. “Yes, I look after the main ‘lost and found’ at JFK airport”, he said, “but we haven’t come across a shopping bag. If I hear something, I’ll call”.
One day, Carlos called. My heart skipped a beat when he said the shopping bag had been found on the late-night bus. But there was nothing in it. My last hope of retrieving the bracelet was gone. My thoughts went back to my grandma as a very young bride, wearing the bangle, and entering for the first time the house in Behrampur. The only thing I had as a keepsake from those times was gone. I was walking around the house listlessly when the phone rang. To my amazement, I heard Carlos say, “The late-night bus driver got off duty and noticed something in the seat just behind his own. It fell out of the bag. You can call postal service to have it picked up”. I called the postal service, and the next day their truck came to my door with a package containing my bracelet. It was while signing the delivery slip that I noticed the date. It was my Dida’s anniversary.

After the story ended Varun sheepishly asked his mom whether he would get anything for his 21st birthday, which is just a couple of days away. To this meg said my grandma gave it to me and so I will give it to your daughter now get lost. Joe entered and gave him what he exactly wanted…

Thanks so much to both of you! Just need your blessings

Vulnerability myself and Valentine's Day

2006-02-13T05:13:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about what makes people strong in the face of adversity. For those who claim to know my characteristics, I am sure that you find it amazing that I have the faculty to think. However, there are times when I actually think. One thought leads to another as they always do and finally began the concept of vulnerability. What does the word mean and what is its significance? Why do people fear the word and they take great pains to ensure that they not vulnerable? What is it that is so special about this small word?
Personally, before I begin, I would like to say that there have been times that I have been so vulnerable that it pained. Therefore, I guess that gives me the authority to comment on the topic.
However, being the weakling that I take pride in being, I shall not deal with the physical sense. That is for those people who take karate lessons and go workout in the gym daily. It’s a different thing altogether and let us not talk about that. I shall talk about what it is to be vulnerable emotionally. I do not want to go into what makes one vulnerable and why they should do if they are so. I want to touch upon the importance of being vulnerable.
In today’s world, more and more people want to be seen as strong people who are always in control and are scared of the word vulnerability and all that it signifies. They believe that the more in control they seem to be, the better they are professionally. Moreover, who gives a damn for the personal life anyway?
However, I have seen that vulnerability has strange effects on people. By people, I mean me. It took me sometime to realize that vulnerability is not a bad thing. When one is vulnerable, open to the world, one can learn many things. They range from the mundane things about others to the most important question of them all. Let me see if I can take you through them. I believe that it is only when you are vulnerable that you realize who your friends are and who the enemies are. At a time when you are down, emotionally, if a person takes advantage of you, then he is not one you should keep close to your heart. A person who knows that you are open, is ready to stand beside you, in my opinion is a good friend.
What is the opposite of being vulnerable? Is it being strong? Well it is not necessary. One can be strong and still make a mess of life. I am not saying that the vulnerable ones make a mess of life. That is the perception that is doing the rounds. Being strong is a case of not being in touch with who you are and what you want. It is like a mask that one wears to show the world that all is well within oneself. I have seen many cases where the people seem strong and they have become a mess inside. They have been hiding from what they should have realized long ago. That brings me to the most important characteristic of vulnerability, its ability to answer the question,” Who am I?” It gives a clear picture of the truth and all that goes with it. All your wants and your needs, everything that you say and do is direct from the depths of your being. There is nothing that wraps anything that you say and do. In a relationship, it is important to share this vulnerability. It shall enhance the relationship. There are times when I hated myself for being so open, but then this is but one life. Live it so that we never regret what happens or rather what does not happen. Be true to yourself and give others a chance to be true to you.
A thought takes me over. What is the greatest crime of them all? Is it stealing the crown jewels, or war secrets from a country? Is it betrayal of someone’s trust or is it not living up to someone’s expectations? Or is it being someone you are not?
What makes people act as if they are someone they are not? What makes them seem one person to the public and totally another to their own self? The worst part is that the people around you want you to be someone you are not. What makes a man unique? Is it what he does? Is it what he speaks or is it what he believes in? A man is unique not because of what he says or does, but because of the fact that he is a man. One must realize that the people they are with are what they are. They can’t change and there is no point in changing.
Coming back to crime. What makes one want to be someone he/she is not? There have been times when I myself have been someone I am not. I think that a person acts in a different manner if there is something to gain when he is different. When a person is not comfortable with what he or she believes in and feels that someone else’s ideas are better than theirs, there shall come a time when they doubt their own abilities. If you want to join someone’s circle and you think that you are not acceptable as you are, then what do you do? The logical option would be to change yourself and act as if you are one of them.
This means that you are killing yourself to gain something that you want. The other option would be to sacrifice what is less important, the circle. In this world there are some things that can be given up. The one thing that can’t be is what you are and what you mean to yourself.

Varun got a huge lecture on having the attitude of winners and not giving up hope on anything by both meg and joe separately. As usual, he got pained with what he heard because he didn’t give a damn to whatever they had to say and again as usual the late realization effects led him to understand what they meant which never forced you to go out of your way to get whatever you want. What they meant was to work hard for everything and just wait for the results. They can never be bad, all they can do is to demoralize you and hence help you come up against all forces and rise to the top yet again. But this is not the hook or crook way…it’s the right path its too tough… all this sounded text bookish when he heard them but the lessons that he learnt made him realize that sometimes text bookish things haunt you like crazy. He didn’t sleep that night and the next day being Valentine’s day, which he hates like anything, he had to get presents for meg and joe who were deeply in love with each other before they got married. Varun still does not understand the concept of love but he very well understood what meg and joe wanted from him. As a gift he bought a couple of diaries…
The one he gave to joe was with this…

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't;
If you'd like to win, but think you can't
It’s almost a cinch you wont.

If you think you'll lose, you have lost;
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will-
It's all in the state of mind,

If you think you are outclassed, you are
You've got to think high to rise.
You've just got to be sure of yourself
Before you can win the prize.

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the one who thinks he can

The one which he gave to meg had this… to prove her that he is not stone cold and understands what love means.

I never thought I'd fall in love with you.
I thought someday, of course, I'd fall in love.
But what it felt like, I just never knew;
I'd no idea what I was thinking of.
And then, somewhere between my need and pleasure,
Walking neither overjoyed nor sad,
I looked into my heart and saw a treasure
Worth more than anything I'd ever had.
Ah! This is love! I thought. And then I wanted
To give my life to see your happiness.
Suddenly, from nowhere, I was haunted,
Needy, joyful, tearful, glad, obsessed.
My love for you has brought me out of me.
The beauty in your heart has set me free.

Ketamine results!

2006-02-08T17:41:00.000-08:00

I am! yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am! And live with shadows lost.

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And even the dearest - that I loved the best -
Are strange - nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smiled or wept;
There to abide with my creator, the ODD,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept;
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below - above the vaulted sky.

Joe once said…
“There are days when He plays his tricks on you and all you can do is smile back because life is like a train. It’s barring down on you and guess what, its gonna hit you. So what you can do is either run so that its far off a distance or you can pull up a chair, crack open a beer can and watch it come!

Varun is not sure about the existence of the ‘He’ but now he understands what joe was trying to tell him and rethinks about the last line in the second, but he is sure of the fact that his ‘He’ is joe and ‘Her’ is meg and all he needs is their blessings. Being greedy :P he wants a special bonus after 13 days.

Good morning!

P.S- I phoned my dad to tell him that I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. I could not understand what he actually meant but now I do. Someone rightly said "With stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." If someone has doubts, I am the stupid guy here…

Where were you while we were getting high?

2006-01-30T11:10:00.000-08:00

24-29th January was all about smoking, smoking up, music and talking. Learning experience yet again. Saw the best, was a part of them. Saw enthusiasm, saw technicality winning over feel. Saw the evil creatures (the co-ords!) generally cashing, but who cares if the people they cash on don’t care… anyways packing the shit, overall it was good refined fun after a long time. But the best was that everyone I saw during this period had a smile on his/her face, which was really cool. Everyone seemed to be happy… no no no one sec, there was this bunch of rockers, really good at what they do without a doubt, but faces which had contempt written all over it, call them the bad-attitude-stereotypes. I had this opportunity to talk to a lot of such rockers without identifying myself, till then they we’re the typical I-Play-This-Instrument-Hence-I-am-The-Man. Awesome exhibition of the way our generation rockers behave and frankly speaking, the rocker fraternity wants this exhibition in order to give you a pass to be in the scene. Bullshit, I don’t care if I don’t get the pass. But they were fair and clear with their sounds! Awesome control over whatever they were trying to do.

25th Jan- Did not sleep the night before, so was the case with the previous 3 days and hence I was too tired to do anything, but the enthusiasm kept me going and I did practice for PWC and DB. Got smashed after that hehe and then saw the best jam session ever at the WM solo where a guy was playing sax aakash was playing the keyboards. Boy O’ Boy, wasn’t that trippy. I had my second thoughts regarding smoking up for a while hehe. Anyways, when that was not enough, I had my share of the greener pastures again in a while and then went for practice again :D. This time it was not best practice session of ours. All smashed royally and we played like proper pros with no noise and tight co-ordination some 3 days back but this time it was different. The noise factor came in, the processor was not upto its task and was causing a hell lot of trouble and the own comp had to be finished for the next day.

26th Jan we managed to finish all of this by 7 AM. All of us were thinking of the same thing…”is it too late?” better late than never so all of us were now in a mode where we were tired and hence could not be as tight as we have been. We decided to go to the stage and have fun as usual. But this time it was different, no one was warmed up and all had just got up after crashing and four horsemen and creeping death are the songs that even metallica would think twice before performing live after crashing and that too just for an hour or a couple maybe. Amit helped us with the sound check procedure. That was the exact moment, my conscience again raised the same question “Are you sure this is where you want to be?” just because another bunch of losers from OUR college were boo-ing us. I mean what else do you want. As a result, the number of people in front of the stage decreased considerably. That’s when LED provided the killer punch. Actions do speak louder than words and LED is the last person to believe in this theory but he DID it! Kudos dude! As soon as the Four horsemen Riff was played, I saw a mosh pit of around 20 barging towards the PWC region. I got charged up seeing that and then we played like proper pros. I am saying this pretty confidently now as people down there told me that it was proper even after so much shit there on stage. The stage set up was crazy. Everything was somehow stopping somewhere on stage and we thought LO GAYA! General volume fluctuations and other technical problems. What the heck? Why us again? Four Horsemen and Creeping death were enough to kick the arses of those posers who were boo-ing us off stage. If that was not enough, HI TO ALL THOSE FACES WITH CONTEMPT WRITTEN ALL OVER THEM… PLAY AN OWN COMP AS THRASHY AS FAST AND AS KICK ASS AS OURS!! It’s because of the shitty stage set up, we lost on some valuable bars but does not matter as we had a lot of fun on stage. Cubba was amazing!! Droog/anand as fast and as furious as usual, but mind you, no contempt anywhere, no sign of any such thing. LED was so involved with the crowd and cubba that he forget to play one bar hehe. He was all over the place like Cubba :D the showmen of the band. Talking of mithun, both of us were having fun our way, bass drum fundawise :D. To others it might seem that we were just there to play note to note doing our jobs but hehehe that’s where no one will understand the way we have fun. When we came back all of us were cribbing about the sounds which ultimately led to us giving up hope as we thought that the sound was the same outside also. That’s when Mithun and I started farting about our bass+drum jamming of all the songs. Not any other instrument, just the bass and the drums hehe. What a jolly good time we had those days :D. So after giving up, all of us went to get smashed yet again :D. Poor LED was the WM co-ord and so he could not go :D. We came back to the festival area after sometime and that’s when I was told that we FUCKIN’ BROKE THE JINX!!! All of us were in a state of shock. Nothing seemed real for a while. Everything seemed like fake or made up, because frankly speaking, no one expected to make it that big, and why not, our performance was not as good considering what we heard on stage. It turned out to be the other way round. The sound on stage was cuppax but outside it was kickax! The first one always has its elements of doubt associated with it and we had them. All of it was smothered as soon as I said it’s over, we did it, we did not break any fucking jinx, we had fun and it resulted in something good so just accept the damned thing with all the ease in the world and the exhilaration began!!

Meanwhile, someone was watching us carefully and suggested that our performance was cool but then the ultra careful factor came into the picture and my leg was pulled taking into account the gel and the wristband :D. I could not say anything about the wristband, but for the gel part, I said that I had a bath hehehehehehehe and I escaped. While showing places like the cuppax water tank and the crashed plane, I was cursed a lot as I forgot where they were :P but at the same time, I came to know a lot about the institute geographically and gossipically :D. I might die one day because of my indifference hehe. Came to know how a guy from my college used the cuppax tank area for humping another female :D (a very clever ploy indeed!). Who says that tank is cuppax :P. I understood that I know nothing about the institute at all hehe. Danke schone for the info. Again attended another practice session for the DB part which was another extravagant but humble attempt. We tried our best and had fun also but the feel factor has forbidden us all and all that people look for is technicality :(. Forget it! After this meeting I left for the DB practice with Amit and co. it was too good yet again and Amit, a pro that he is, takes care of all the sound and makes sure that there is nothing apart from what we play in the room. The kind of music we played had the feel good factor and it was not technical, which implied that we had doubts over our performance. After the practice, I smoked up and crashed :D.

27th Jan-Got up for the show, performed there, had fun and obviously did not qualify for the finals as technicality was rated higher than feel. But overall, the standard was too good as far as the technical aspect goes, but at the same time, it was sad as there was nothing thrashy about the music they played and nothing called feel in their music. I got bored and went back played some quake after a long time hehe cashed to max and then got enthu to go for the French jazz band which turned up. I tripped on the chapman stick that fellow was carrying! What an instrument that is…complete in itself! Very creative stuff with bagpipes, chellos and sax. They were awesome. Sat with LED and co. for a while and then packed off to go smoke up with my chaddi buddies :D.

28th Jan- The day was just meant to find something about the chick scene… it was sad :(. That’s when Cubba called me up saying that his guitar broke and he needed a replacement quickly as he had to perform with LSG, the great prof who’s one of the guys I am looking forward to perform with the next year again! We arranged a guitar and somehow got Cubba back to his normal state at ease :P. We saw the show, as usual ‘twas too good with LSG leading the way! Poor Cubba had a bad day because of his processor cupping maaaajaaaarly, but LSG, a showman that he is, covered it up as well as anyone could have possibly done. Mithun was too good there as usual. Came back went to bikes got drunk and then crashed :D

29th Jan- Mithun calls up asks me to come with him to bindass park in order to check some chicks out. The bloody pary was completely dry, can you imagine! Tough luck mithun hehe, all we could do there was to fag at some corner and then get ourselves some tickets for the show which everyone of us was looking forward to. We finally got a few then went there fully smashed hehe. Parikrama as usual were awesome. I had seen a lot of them when I was in Cal and I was happy to be a part of a show which was more about rock and roll rather than head banging shit! Then came the best part with the awesome band, Led-Zepplica, coming on stage to perform and they did all the songs one could expect of a typical Led-Zep live show. I dunno why but these days I don’t like listening to head banging music as much as alternative or 70’s 80’s R & B or blues or maybe country. But nothing beats metal while playing hence listening to it still remains a very important part. Oh! I almost forgot… this college rocks, it’s faculty rules and the dean’s the best guy around. These bastards actually did this, how can anyone chop off the power supply when a great band is performing on stage and that too the song that every fucking guy in the planet has heard of. Came to know about those who crashed during the show and were waiting for stairway to heaven to come and as soon as they started shouting and cheering, the dean was upto his very best. Felt bad for all of them. The discussion about the arbit fellow continued and the CD’s were now in the hands of their rightful owner and now here I am, sitting and writing all this I have no clue why! Sometimes I don’t know why but I am weird. I mean who would want to do something like this at this hour of this night with the LAN not working. Right now it’s 3:46 AM and I am listening to Steve Vai’s For the Love of God, one of the greatest solos ever! I am not sure if I will be able to attend tomorrow’s class or not, which in reality, hardly makes a difference. Now I need to consolidate and need to come back to the original schedule which is well known to people who know me ( a very small number indeed! Now I am sure of that bit :))

Saarang= Saare+rang, for me it was just HARA rang :D. We broke the fucking jinx! HELL YEAH! Good friends got better, started talking a lot more than what I used to do, more enthusiastic about playing good music and more so playing at the OAT next year!

Behind the scenes, meg and joe are talking to each other…
“he talks a lot about being inquisitive, appreciates reality like never before, he is seeing things differently, has learnt to fight his way out, he is curious about the right things which are not made up and the smile which he never saw on anyone’s face let alone the mirror. I kind of like these changes.”
Joe: “It’s very simple to explain all this, anyways I understand and I know you won’t… Varun is in the groove now! History repeats itself hehe, that might help you understand what I am trying to say here. Goodnight!”

Varun smirks at Joe’s thought. All he has to say is gigitee gigitoo… Quagmire rocks!:P

Goodnight!

The very few moments...

2006-01-24T06:32:00.000-08:00

The full profusion of her garden
was oblivious to a six-year-old
whose childhood pastimes
blended out such floral splendour.

I sneaked into her paradise
on clandestine missions
to rescue her trees from the burden
of ripened cherries, apples or pears.

On occasions I was invited to enter
her botanical world to be rewarded
with something sweet and sometimes sticky,
just for being her very own

Her house stands empty now,
her garden in a neglected slumber.
Hedgehogs snuggle in hibernation
‘neath autumn’s decaying leaves
petrified by winter’s first frost.

On the eve of St Stephen
I enter again her garden,
this time in search of that winter wonder.
As if by some invisible conjurer’s trick,
half hidden,
it appears in the entwined, lifeless shoots
of summer’s rambling raspberry bushes,
blanketed in white with last night’s fall of snow.

With a virgin’s shyness
it reveals a captivating beauty.
I smile,
and thank her in silence
for her perennial legacy,

To my meg… Don’t think that I forgot you joe… we will rise

Another one bites the dust

2006-01-22T14:06:00.000-08:00

Not having an opinion is cool. It has always worked for me… but being the type I am, suggestions are unexpected and hence result in humiliation. It becomes worse when a good friend does that to you… leaves you speechless... :(

Aaatchooooo..

2006-01-19T20:54:00.000-08:00

Everything about life till now has been accidental. Call me pessimistic, call me a sadist whatever, but this is what the truth is… it’s been purely accidental. One good reason is that I have never been sure of what to do next, not that I am not confident of what I am doing, just that I am undecided. Is that because I have not been under the influence of my parents unlike others or is it because of my way of thinking? Undecided factors come into the picture again. Thinking of what has happened till now, I never expected to be in a boarding school first of all and when I ran off from St. Paul’s Darjeeling, I thought I managed to escape…hehe surprise surprise, Dad asks me to be a part of a Calcutta boarding, cool isn’t it? It gets better when I say that I am a resident of Calcutta LOL! Considering other things, lets say getting through the hazards that JEE had to offer… again a perfect example of an accident! I was never game to sit for this dreadful exam in the first place, but I generally appeared for it because dad asked me to do so as he failed :P… surprise surprise, I got through hah! Crap this place is! Bloody every place here in Chennai stinks! The mess here sucks bigtime…pack, the crib list is too big for me to write here. Why isn’t it like those childhood stories, where every accidental incident turns out to be a FAIRYTALE! It turns out to be the best that life had to offer. Coming here led to a decline in interest in science overall because of the wonderful faculty. What else do you want? How can someone expect to lose interest in something that got him a slot there?

      Looking at my senior friend here, who did not get a job even after being a stud bigtime just because he did not have the numbers behind him to support him? Contemplating revenge now! People who don’t know a thing about engineering get through with awesome jobs because of the numbers. Bloody idiots. Dumbfucks don’t realize what they are doing and this trend is not new, its been going on for the past N years and still these fools don’t realize a thing or maybe they don’t want to…no one knows a thing about it.

      All these questions are defining the very existence of the moment… a plethora of others still trying to find a place or maybe waiting for their turn so that the profane mind can devote some time to them. But the basic question still remains. This is one thing that my conscience keeps on asking me… “Are you sure, this is where you want to be?” still not sure of an answer.
Right now I feel like sleeping on my mom’s lap. Its funny but so true that we tend to go into this foetal position when we are scared or not sure of what to do next or maybe all alone in a room. That is exactly what my posture is now. I am all alone here and I am scared of myself, my conscience which keeps on bombarding me with questions…unanswerable ones because time is the victor and its time which has forced itself upon me and I can’t do a thing about it! Since now, I am sneezing my way to glory because of my extravagant act of roaming around in shorts and t-shirt, I think its showering some mercy! Now it asks me this…

Look around you.
Look down the darkroom,
At the places that you see.
Are you sure, this is where you want to be.

These are your friends.
Are they real friends?
Do they love you as much as me?
Are you sure, this is where you want to be.

You seem in such a hurry,
To lead this kind of life
And you caused so many pain and misery.
But look around you.
Take a good look,
Just between you and me.
Are you sure, this is where you want to be.

Please don’t let my tears persuade you.
I had hoped I wouldn’t cry.
But lately teardrops seem up hard with me.
But look around you.
Take a good look,
Just between you and me.
Are you sure, this is where you want to be…

Weeks before the big one..

2006-01-15T15:09:00.000-08:00

A very small world we live in…

Seems untrue, unfortunately, so true! Glad that I did not notice all these things because now as I see them coming one by one, all I can call it is a learning experience. Makes me not take them for granted and hence see my friend making friends with my enemies. What should I think of it now?? Probably that my friend is no longer a friend or maybe my enemy is playing tricks on me. I can’t deprive anyone of their right to communicate and hence making friends and being the ‘not-having-an-opinion-ever types’ helps the cause also. So many things inside me…feels like I will explode someday but then again I was brought up in such a fashion that I could hold in a lot of things inside me [structurally ummm incorrect ;)]. Closer to the truth, but still so far away from reality and eventually facing it….aaha!! What a surprise that was! No wonder, movies will always be movies and that’s why I don’t prefer watching them!! Free your mind…ada thu all cuppers gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict! I love You!! How long I say!! No one knows, but the period is too short to even exist. Neanderthal attitude, kahrect, but still holds as well as ever. Anyways no point… I fear I digress.

According to a very few whom I know, I lead the most peaceful life. Yeah, but why so? Because you don’t have many friends you don’t have much to say for anything that’s happening. You are in the scene and still managed to be out of it in a subtle way and the best part, people don’t know a lot about you and your doings, at the max, all they know is your name… that’s about it. So you can’t have enemies either.

Alright Mr. Preacher you seem to know a lot about me. How say?? Or is it your sixth sense that makes you think of all this about me. Maybe you had visions!! Is it?? Oh my god, too good man. I am one of the unlucky few for whom the movie concept does not work as well (. Not having many friends is a matter of choice, you want many and then crib about it, then go jump in a well and then curse your parents who didn’t even make a futile attempt to make you learn swimming and climbing. Not having much to say…Sorry I am not the blabbermouth category or the ever-so-excited because of the gift of speech. Couldn’t understand what you wanted to say with your third remark but anyways when I do things, I make sure that my superhero network is aware that no one watches me do it. If someone makes the dreadful mistake, something bad results which solely depends on which of the superheroes saw the person… full freedom to my superhero clan, my saviours, the protectors of truth. Hopefully the existence of psychopaths is known to you. One of them is an enemy and also those who managed to survive the superhero assault, because they know the TRUTH!

I love this place. I can rant like a bitch here. Rant my way to glory!! Full of mindlessness, incessant drivel and the scribbling during class hours make their way to this place. A very comfortable way of looking back at things hehe unlike the painful act of searching for the right notebook to find the particular piece of crap I was up to one fine day. Don’t understand why there seem to be a notable number of assholes who don’t write for the pleasure of the act but write for seeing a number right below the post, and the satisfactory criterion depends from person to person. Should be HIGH according to those delusional fools! Why do they create such pages then… go start writing books, big shots! I sincerely hope for the best which is a distant possibility.

According to my standards, this was the so called Ideal Week! I did not bunk a single class, attended all the jamming sessions and enjoyed them, played lots of basketball and was also a part of good quake and counter strike games. Seems like I struck gold! Best part, I wrote notes which were notably much more than I ever wrote in any of the previous semesters. Also managed to understand a lot.

Music?? Yeah cool! I am a part of a band, maybe that’s what you meant when you said “You are in the scene”. Sorry boss, the band is not for glory seekers and hence you might assume that we don’t value such thoughts either. Doing things that we do is very simple, all it needs is the drive and the feel. Can’t be spoon fed… poor you (. Publicizing these things is the last thing I need to do. Now comes the good part. Lately I have been jamming with these people from the navy who supposedly had a band when they were in college with profound influences by ‘The Doors’, ‘David Bowie’ , ‘Louis Armstrong’, ‘Jimmy Hendrix’ basically all about classical rock and rock and roll! My exposure was confined to metal as far as playing was concerned, that’s when I played ‘Gloria’ by ‘The Doors’ with these people. Fortunately I was stoned also then (. For those who think that doors music is trippy, take my word, playing it is a trip of a lifetime!! The changes in the bar length, the subtle but ambient drumming, the shimmering sea like vocals and the talking of Jim Morrison, the defining bass and oh my fucking god, the organ. Feels like I am at a stage where I can commit suicide because I had the experience of a lifetime. Learnt a lot about sound and volume control, making sound patches and other intricacies associated with producing an output which is pleasing to the ear. Looking forward to this experience and can’t wait to be on stage and hear how it sounds. BIG DIFF. I will have fun that’s it!! :D
I loved our first jamming on Gloria where led and I had no clue of what to do…no wonder I called it jamming. Amit started playing and we followed. The subtle solos that led created then were the catch as they made the song ever so full! Thanks man led for the trip! I owe you one, to you too amit… your vocals are too good to be true! Nishant…level stuff man, in this very small period, you are the best drummer I have played with and seen playing, because you have the feel. Oh yes! There’s the catch, it was good because all of us there were the “feel” people! Learn dude learn, its not about the popularity, its about fun and making people happy! Do your job and get out of there

All chunde!

P.S- second thoughts on the suicide thing… no sex till now. :D

“You were my queen and I was your fool…
Riding home after school…
You took me home…to your house
Your father’s at work…
Your mama’s out shopping around…
Take me into your room…
Show me your thing.
Why’d you do it baby?
Get in softer
Slow it down…slow… get it down
Now you show me your thing…
Now why don’t you wrap your lips around my COCK baby!!
Wrap your legs around my neck..
Grab your arms around my knee
Wrap your hair around my skin
I am gonna eat you honey
It’s getting harder, getting faster too now…
It’s getting too damn fast
You’re gonna wiggle around too much
I am gonna rip you in two
Come on now just get it on

Imagine this with some cymbalish drumming along with the bass which goes like E-E-B D-D-A and the vocals with the talking, you might understand the trip I was talking about :D

Simple and SEXY is what I call it. Call it whatever you want…no one cares just have fun!

Baying for Blood

2006-01-09T09:27:00.000-08:00

The victim did not feel too hungry that day. He decided to skip his regular eating joint, and went to a store jus a few yards away.

The hunter had set sight on him even as he walked into the store. A gleam of malevolence flickered in the hunter's eyes. He hadn't forgotten the torture he'd underwent almost a year back. He decided to wait, before he went in for the kill. He noticed the victim ordering a cool drink. "Some fattening up won't hurt", he thought to himself.

But the victim seemed to be taking an awfully long time to finish his drink. Frustrated, the hunter lost patience and moved in with the agility of a predator.

"Dei, first year-a?"

The victim turned around, raised his eyebrow and mouthed "Third year".

The hunter felt his heart drop to his stomach. "A.. A.. Anna, sorry nna! Didn't know!", he said white-faced and feeling completely embarrassed.

The victim only smiled.

Behind the scenes:
Thought I'd skip lunch that day and went to the campus store instead. There were a coupla second years hissing "you think he's a fresher?". One of them mustered enough courage to ask me if I was. I don't think I'll ever forget the look on his face when he realised he'd come so close to trying to rag a senior! :) Nor the look of embarrassment on his face when I said, "Mech, right? Chill.. free-a vidu" as I went back to class.

Further behind the scenes. So far behind, it's actually in the victim's mind:
Damn!! Do I look like a first year? :(

A New Beginning

2006-01-05T06:25:00.000-08:00

Realize that…

The message for the New Year is JUST BE. Relax and just be. That doesn’t mean be lazy, no. Be very busy…and just be. Events come and go, they perish like flowers. But every event and every person contains some honey. Like a bee, just take the honey out of every moment and move on. Be like a busy bee and be in the Being.

BAN COMMUNISM!!!
These people despise private property and idealise commonly held property. But I’ll bet Pitt and Jolie don’t share a toothbrush. So I would like to conduct a “reduction” thought experiment as to what would happen in a city if private property were abolished and all property declared to be in common. Well, the first thing that would happen is that everyone would stop working. If someone needed something he would simply go to the house or shop where the object of his desire was located and demand it in the name of communist brotherhood. Within a few days of establishment of the communist fraternity, all shops would be stripped bare, as would be all the mansions of the rich. All economic activity would come to a standstill. The redistribution of all property in the name of communism would lead to the “leveling down” of all the members of the commune. Further, instead of polite civilization that existed previously, bound by the “natural law” of private property rights, the commies would soon descend to barbarianism—snatch, grab, loot, scoot.

Safety and Security

May I become at all times,
Both now and for ever,
A protector for the helpless,
A guide for the lost ones,
A ship for those to cross oceans,
And a bridge to cross rivers,
A sanctuary for those in danger,
A lamp for those in darkness,
A refuge for those who need shelter,
A servant to all in need.

(Our prayer for protection…used to make a lot of fun of it. But I realize how important it is when I am high. What a drag… being aware sometimes doesn’t help as much as you expect it to)

Observing markets easily reveals the natural law of property at work. When a fisherman returns from the sea, no one forcibly takes fish away from him because the ocean has not furnished him with a title deed to his catch. No one snatches fruits from any of the millions of fruit vendors. Look at any big market and you will see thousands engaging in the great game of trade, respecting private property rights. If this natural law was overthrown, man would be reduced to the status of ape. Indian commies do not practice what they preach to the level od the above ‘reductio and absurdum’. This mother fucking thing should be banned!!!

May the Divine Mother who is the source of my life and strength,
May she surround me with Her wise protection,
May I look to her for all things,
And never lose hold on Her Diving Hand
May the veil of selfishness never blind my eyes to her glory;
May my heart never be closed to her all-filling love….

Thanks mom…I love you. The things you told me a fortnight ago are still bouncing and are creating a huge effect on my mind… I sincerely believe you will see a son who’s more responsible and even more caring than ever before.
Cheers!!

Son-ly Love...

2005-12-31T21:53:00.000-08:00

Tete-a-tete
Dad said….

The sands of time are running out fast and we are at the fag end of a momentous year. Well guarded against the biting cold with layers of quilts, I am snug in my well-sprung bed with a cup of steaming coffee [x-(]. The northwesterly winds blowing in from the higher reaches of the Himalayas are responsible for this cold wave, says the met office. I marvel at the picturesque scene outside, framed by my first floor window. Noble and spirited ideas come crowding to my mind. I go through a mental reckoning of all that I must do during the remaining day of the year. The list is long, but I care a hoot if it becomes longer. The most important is a visit to cheer my neighbour, Akhil, who is lying in the hospital plastered and bandaged all over. There is a thump. It is the morning newspaper, rolled and tucked which like a missile has landed before me. Somehow that reminds me of my bookshelf which needs immediate attention.

The books, so many of them, are in a state of chaotic bliss. The big tin of paint and brushes are lying untouched. Doors and windows have smudges and schoolchildren graffiti all over and crying for a fresh coat of paint. With the new year just around the corner, there must not be any delay. It dawns on me that the grass on my lawn is a tangled mass and at places the blades are knee-high. Hedges have overgrown and the thorny shoots are jutting out are a menace to pedestrians. With a borrowed mover, I can certainly convert the wild growth into a smooth green carpet. Trimming the hedges requires both physical exertion and artistic dexterity which I am proud to have in good measure. Then there are more mundane matters at hand. Like calling the plumber to fix the leaking tap. Or teaching blackie (our dawg) how to salute and stay for 5 seconds :D, or teaching the parrot a word or two. All this and more has to be done to welcome the new year. Work may be tiresome and tedious but the result of a well-done job is always satisfying and thrilling.

My reply…

I am not drunk dad, I think you are…”trimming the hedges, calling the plumber” LOL! Anyways a formal reply in the same format for ya :D:D:D

The L.E.D’s are blinking quickly as we are at the fag end of a horrendous year. Well guarded against the marching red ants and the UFO’s, I am snug in my not-so-well-sprung bean bag with a glass of vodka with orange juice…(I know you love screw driver, ok ok this aint one hehehe)(moreover how dare you talk of coffee…I toldya about ACORN remember??). Chennai, unlike Darjeeling, is breezeless and cold wave can only be expected if some reverse komodo dragon like species makes a dull appearance to honour us all with some snow. I marvel at the picturesque scene outside, framed by my first floor window. The scene is like a bunch of monkeys trying to remove ticks from their bodies and deer watch all of this along with a few guys peacefully pee-ing their way to glory somewhere in the woods. Obviously this does not help me in harboring noble and spirited ideas and the best idea is to close the window. I go through a mental reckoning of all that I must do during the remaining day of the year. The most important being, going to a professor and asking him to change my grade from a “U” to a “C” on the notice board. There is a thump. It’s the paper boy asking me for money, but wait a min, you still need to send me money don’t forget that ok? Atleast think of the poor paper boy if not me because I owe him a 1000 bucks hehe. This does not remind me of my bookshelf because I don’t have one. Moreover I added new books like fantasy series by Terry Goodkind and Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan to be kept in my bookshelf, ever if I have one.

In your case it’s the books, in my case it’s my whole room that is in chaotic bliss. A short description follows…

2 acoustic guitars and a bass adorn my room along with newspapers( the whole sem’s lot). 2 beddings, not sure if I use any ever since the dreaded bean bag announced its arrival. Thanks for the blanket you mailed…brilliant thinking I say! Photocopies of the notes which were taken just before the end-semester exams and last but not the least…CLOTHES all over the place.

As far as I remember, you know I hate drawing. So I think its better than I stop talking about it instantly rather than reminding you of your futile attempts at sending me to those sick art classes…crap! The doors and windows here have been full of smudges ever since 1959, when this institute came to existence. Right now it’s a question of removing the beehives that make their mark on the windows. I destroyed one yesterday and saw 3 larvae!! Yikes!! For the doors, I need to make sure that they are not latched, but locked, in order to avoid the infiltration of monkeys. It dawns on me that there is no grass on our quadrangle, hence extravagant football has been replaced by boring cricket. I pity for our gardener. He works hard and all we take is a day to smother it with our studs playing football.

Dad you are joking when you say that you have the artistic dexterity and the physical exertion to do what you want to…I AM YOUR SON DUDE!!! And I am not good at that. Now take a bow.

Dad, blackie is a bloody lazy bum. I don’t remember it staying for a fraction of a second while saluting so better go waste some time teaching that rubbish blabbermouth some words. I hope you learn a lesson and learn some new words yourself!!

But whatever may happen, my daddy is the best…no one can be like him. I LOVE YOU DAD.
I LOVE YOU MOM… I raise a toast for us (sorry Mom :$, LOL@Dad)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Arre yaar BUS!

2005-12-28T22:57:00.000-08:00

After having performed one of my best manoeuvres, I felt extremely pleased with myself to have pulled out a tricky move like that under immense pressure.

Hmph!! Like Li'l Red Riding Hood would say, "My! What a dirty mind you have!". I was talking about something I did in the bus. Gosh, stop smirking! I know it sounds bad, but it isn't. Trust me!

Traveling in Chennai's public transport bus is an experience by itself. Ah, I see a few of you nodding your heads. Those of you who didn't nod, what a shame. You're missing out on something amazing in life. Awww, don't feel bad already. Tell you what, I'll teach you something fun. Look up at the ceiling, and try to make out any black spots. Done? Now look down at the floor and look for the same black spot. Can't see anything? Then try repeating the whole exercise very fast. Aaah, I see you nodding. You don't feel too left out now, do you? :)

So where was I? Yeah, traveling in an MTC bus. These guys at MTC have so many things to be proud about.

Everywhere we go, we have banners and posters urging us to keep the city green. But it's also an unwritten rule that only an MTC bus can give Rajnikanth a run for his money when it comes to emanating smoke. So what do they do? They paint their buses green. Ingenious!

They also have the dubious distinction of being the only place where my Hutch network has absolutely no signal!

Developed countries boast of buses with automatic doors. But buses in Chennai go a step further, and have an automatic ushering system in place. In plain terms, it means you don't have to move a muscle, and yet you get off the bus and on it. All automatically. Jus make sure you're positioned strategically near the door. And a surging mass of human bodies pushing against each other will do the rest.

A bit like apparition in Harry Potter parlance. You stand near the door and stare hard at the position outside you wanna be in. Destination, Determination, Deliberation. Everything goes black. You're pressed hard from all directions. You can't breathe. You feel as if there are iron bands tightening around your chest. And before you know it, you're outside. Experiencing the indescribable delight of finally having enough space to move your little finger.

Chennai buses also boast of being the only ones in the world possessing a physics-defying centre of gravity. It travels tilted at 45 degrees, and still doesn't topple over. The drivers are known to tilt their faces at an awkward angle and stare wide-eyed when back on firm ground. This has also known to have earned them a few slaps along the way from ladies who suspected the poor drivers to have ogled lecherously at them. The poor devils.

Trust me to completely forget what I start off with and ramble on about matters immaterial. You've already forgotten what I said in the first para, haven't ya? :) I don't blame you!

So there I was, suffocating in a bus packed like a can of sardines. And stuck right in the middle, not able to move an inch either way. I could sense I was two stops away from my destination. But there was no way I'd have been able to get to either of the doors. Before I knew it, I'd reached my destination. It was now or never. There was a huge bunch of kids huddled together with their big schoolbags near the door. They were making things worse for me.

*Clink*

. The sound of hope. The sound of reassurance. The sound of a one rupee coin falling to the floor. The man next to me bent down to pick it up. I saw light. A bright, streaming beam from the doorway, showing me the way. The next thing I knew, I had R Kelly's "I believe I can fly" running in my head as I took the leap. Like a slingshot, coiling back with the overhead bar for support and then.. That perfect jump over the guy's head to land at the doorway shocking a few kids in the process.

The Automatic Ushering System took over. I landed outside to breathe the fresh air of freedom. To move my little finger. And more! :)

Sigh. Why do they call it MTC if it's anything but empty?

Cloning fundaes!

2005-12-21T03:56:00.001-08:00

"Ha ha.. ha ha ha ha! Yes!"

An evil laughter reverberated across the laboratory. Dr. Brad Lee (No relation to the guru of the psychiatric genius, Dr. Saravanan who solved the Chandramukhi case), was alone in his lab, working on his dream project. This was something he'd kept under wraps. He'd mentioned it to no one but me, his most faithful student.

~~~*~~~

Dr. Lee was a brilliant scientist. Brilliant, but mad. The usual cliche. His dream was to build the human cloning machine, ever since he read a book that spurred him on to undertake this endeavour. He'd ripped that page out and posted it on his bathroom mirror to remind him every morning to not rest until he'd completed this pet project.

[Readers are requested to bring their eyebrow back down to where it belongs. A comic collection counts as a book too, and certainly as an inspiration! I mean, if a 6 year old kid can do it, so can Dr. Brad Lee. And yeah, click on the pic if you can't read it properly.]

Dr. Lee made a mental note to make sure that his machine made a better sound than 'boink'.

~~~*~~~

The boundary between his dreams and reality had blurred now. They had merged into one as Dr. Lee exulted in his achievement. His machine perfectly cloned his lab mouse, as it doubled in a flash, right in front of his eyes. Now all he had to see was if it worked on humans.

A bead of sweat ran down his eyebrow. What if it did not work? What if it failed to replicate a living object as complex as a human being? He'd be the laughing stock of his research team, and the world. Blind panic set in. His vision blurred and his words slurred. He felt his forehead throb like an angry mob. The bead of sweat now went down his cheek, even as he noticed his pulse grow weak. [Ok, I'll put an end to this rhyme, and restart it maybe some other time!!]

He collapsed to the floor, pallid and shivering. Coincidence, God's Grace, Stroke of Luck, call it what you want, but I was extremely thankful I was in the lab at that ungodly hour. I'd forgotten my papers, and for once, my absentmindedness came to the rescue. I saw him on the floor in a sorry state, and realised that he'd forgotten to take his nerve calming drug. I acted swiftly, popped the drug in his mouth and waited for five minutes to see the drug take effect.

Dr. Lee was back to normal and spoke to me in an unusually choked voice. "Rishabh, the cloning machine is done. It was a success with Mickey. Look" he said, pulling out a couple of mice from his coat pocket, "you can't see a single difference, can you?" I gaped at the creatures writhing in his hands. It was surely Mickey, the lab mouse. You could make out by the bald patch on its head and the raccoon-like mark around it's eyes. But there was one more! Looking exactly the same.

"Sir!" I gasped, "You've done it! Congratulations!"
"Not yet, Rishabh. I'm not sure it works on humans. And I don't want to proclaim this to the world without being sure it works perfectly."
"Oh.."

I realised what he was thinking. I knew I had to make the sacrifice. In the name of science, in honour of my teacher's dream.

"I'll do it, Sir", I whispered, "You may test it on me." Dr. Lee's eyes twinkled with joy and relief. "I knew I could count on you, my boy! It won't go wrong, trust me!"

I entered the contraption, feeling extremely uncomfortable. I felt claustrophobic being locked inside a metal container about as big as a broom cupboard. I could feel the machine whirring to life. A brilliant flash of light temporarily blinded me for a few seconds. I felt as though I was being x-rayed. And before I knew it, it was all over. I opened my eyes to see an exact replica of myself, standing beside me! But it was moving, and breathing too.

"Sir! It worked!" I screamed as a wave of relief washed over me.

~~*~~

If you've been a regular reader of my blog, you'd know by now that none of my "stories" have a proper ending. They just have a kadi/PJ in the end to exasperate you, to make you think "What the @&$#! He made me read all that for nothing!" I'm sorry to tell you that this post is no different! :)

So here's the kadi..
What did Dr. Brad Lee call me? And what did he call my clone?

Answer:
PrimaRI and SecondaRI

escaaaapeee!!

Dubious Distinctions

2005-12-18T23:55:00.000-08:00

It was with mild surprise that I read a recent news item that restaurant critic Giles Coren had won the award for bad sex in fiction. Huh, what was that again? Apparently the award, now in its 13th year, is Britain's most dreaded literary accolade. It was set up "to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it" by Rhoda Koenig and Auberon Waugh of the Literary Review. The literary world (of which I am not a part...FOR SURE!!) is not alone in pulling up its constituents for bad taste. In the world of cinema there are the ruthless Razzies to contend with. The Golden Raspberry (Razzie) Awards annually present Dis-honours for Worst Achievements in Film since 1980. Their yearly bestowing of Tinsel Town's Tackiest Trophies is regularly covered by all major news services and targets some of Hollywood's biggest names. Winners of Razzie include actors Bill Cosby, Kevin Costner, Roberto Benigni and Lawrence Olivier as well as Madonna, Burt Reynolds and Brooke Shields. Sylvester Stallone scores as all-time champion with 10 wins.

Nor is this type of singling out reserved for the arts. In the sciences, the Ig Nobel Prize, sponsored by the Annals of the Improbable research, acknowledges "Scientific achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced". The 15th and most recent awards ceremony was conducted at Harward University, where actual Nobel Laureates handed out the prizes. In the category of medicine, Gregg A Miller won and Ig Nobel for his invention of Neuticles, artificial replacement of testicles for dogs available in three sizes and three degrees of firmness. In the category of Economics, Gauri Nanda of MIT won for her invention of and alarm clock that runs away and hides. Previous years' winners include an analysis of the forces necessary to drag sheep over various surfaces, a report that revealed that chickens prefer beautiful people and a washing machine for cats and dogs (I appreciate the last one, because my dog is too painful to handle when we plan to give him a wash or something closer). The prizes are often nominal; a statuette, a champagne bottle (I love that drink as well as the song...add a supernova) - but many recipients sportingly show up. In celebrity-dom there is no such thing as bad publicity. Poet Ghalib summed it up many centuries ago when he wrote "Badnaam honge to kya naam na hoga"

STFU

2005-12-14T23:29:00.000-08:00

I rant therefore I am!!!
I frag therefore I am!!!
I will seek and I will destroy
Just wait for the right time to strike
YOU'LL be taken aback....be careful
I am not joking
Because I dont give a fuck to what you do and what you did
Just the fact the it was against me makes me contemplate revenge
And I will come back....back to take all of 'em
All of your cheeky and geeky acts will go drown in the river of your own tears
This will go really far take my word...
I dont know many hence I dont expect much
But unexpected things give you a fresh lease of life,
Give you a motive
And I am there, right at the edge....
My motive is fixed
And that is something you'll come to know in no time at all
Make sure you have the pills and the softwares...You never know you might need them